Your Relationship Can Make You a Better Person: Here’s Why
One of my friends got married. After having been single for 20 something years, she got married at age 68. She was glowing and radiant with love and excitement!
“I was perfectly happy being single,” she said. “But I could tell that I was getting really stuck in my ways. I was not growing any more. Now my life is much more challenging and downright painful at times. Can you imagine, after 23 years of being on my own, I have some very strong beliefs and habits! This is really good for me.”
This was not what I expected! Aren’t we getting into a relationship to live happily ever after? Or at least to do the best we can to live together in harmony and avoid pain and conflict at all cost? How can challenging be ‘good’?
I have been thinking about my friends words ever since. What if we got it all wrong? Are our high expectations and the pressure to do it ‘right’ the reason, why so many relationships fail?
My friends approach seemed to make some sense. Why not enter a relationship with the understanding that we are different (which we are), that it may get painful at times (which it will) and that being with another person will challenge us out of our wits? One of my mentors once said “Relationships are the fastest way to enlightenment.” I did not understand what she meant at the time but now I am beginning to see that our relationships really do provide us with the opportunity to become more human and better than we are on our own.
Wouldn’t it take away a lot of the pressures if we went into a relationship with that awareness, with our eyes wide open rather than wide shut? What if happily ever after means embracing the differences, accepting the challenges and loving the expansion a relationship brings to our lives?
What are your thoughts? I came up with a few points below that can put some of our unrealistic expectations to rest:
- Living with another person will make our life more complex (not easier).
- Men and women are different and misunderstandings will arise.
- We may not be born knowing how to have a great relationship but we can learn it.
- There will be pain at times and it can be a good thing.
- There will be bliss at times that make us forget all the challenges.
- If you and your partner don’t have moments of togetherness and harmony you are most likely not a good match.
- I believe there is more than one soul mate.
- Living a blissfully happy life is hard work
What is your experience? Why are you (or not) in a relationship? As always, I’d love to hear your insights and thoughts on the topic!
Related Posts:
What Are Men Attracted to In Women?
5 Tips For Staying Happy in Your Relationship
Books on the topic:
The One: Discovering the Secrets of Soul Mate Love by Kathy Freston
Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men And Women by Anne Moir and David Jessel
Men Like Women Who Like Themselves by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol
How To Succeed With Men by David Copeland and Ron Louis
Photo Credit: Elmo Alves via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
19. February 2009 at 11:47 am :
[...] comfortable in your own skin if you tune out what your heart is saying… so start tuning in today. Happily Ever After? February 13, 2009, By Karin Manske, Life Coach One of my friends got married. After having being [...]