Fake It Till You Make It: Self Coaching in Action
Most things in life happen because we expect them to. You expect to feel a certain way when you wake up in the morning and most likely you will. You anticipate a line at the post office when you go to drop off a letter and, voila, that’s what you’ll get. It’s called habituation.
Every once in a while, however, the pattern is disrupted. All of a sudden things turn out in surprising new ways and for a short moment the veil of your day-to-day routine is lifted. Maybe you overslept and your whole morning unfolds completely different than on other days. Or, … maybe a volcano erupts and the trip you had been looking forward to for weeks is unexpectedly canceled …
While these are all outside influences, there is yet another way of disrupting your expectations and that is through awareness. If you look into your life and realize that most of your activities are run on auto pilot, you can change some things around and create new and astonishing results. To do this you have to
1. Be aware of your expectations. To change what you are expecting you need to be first aware of your habits. Take a look around in your life and realize how your expectations have secretly turned into ironclad facts.
2. Challenge your expectations. With more awareness come new choices. Once you noticed your expectations, challenge them. Maybe you don’t have to wake up in a grumpy mood every morning? Or, maybe there isn’t a long line at the post office.
3. Watch what unfolds. Once you realize how much power you have in shaping your life, you can consciously use it to create more exciting outcomes. Below, I am sharing a story from my own life about how many years ago I realized that I had created a character (my habitual self) that was utterly boring and how I went about to change it:
Most of us take on a personality when we grow up, a way of being that we think will get us through life unharmed and unscathed. In my case, I had convinced myself that I would do best by being responsible, dependable, and a know-it-all (My sister was considered the cute one, so scoring with my good looks was not an option). With this character I had developed a seriousness that had pervaded my whole being over the years.
This didn’t really bother me until I moved to Austin, TX. Boy, were things different here. People were smiling all day long in a BIG way and my serious mood was most unusual. This was especially noticeable every time I went out to go dancing and to have a good time. While other women were asked to dance all night long, very few men approached me and if they did, it was for only one dance.
I was clueless to why this was happening and started to convince myself that men did not like me very much. At some point I talked to one of my girlfriends about it and she simply told me ‘to lighten up and to be a bit more cheerful’. “Well,” I said, “that’s just not who I am.” “Oh, just fake it then,” she replied. I was puzzled. What was she thinking? How could I fake it? Certainly nobody would buy my act. However, next time out on the town, I tried it. While I was sitting there watching the people on the dance floor I put a big (fake) smile on my face. Sure enough, I was soon asked to dance. I kept smiling 
and I was asked over and over again. I was shocked! Men even told me that I was a lot of fun. They went for it? I couldn’t believe it. But, I kept up my act and over time it became more and more natural. I was actually really enjoying myself and realized that being playful was much more of who I am than my old serious self.
I hope this inspires you to try your luck with a new approach to your expectations in life. Let me know how it goes, I’d love to hear your story.
__________________
Related Posts:
Old Habits Die Hard: Self Coaching in Action
The Power of Attention: How to Add More Ease to Your Life
What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action
__________________
Do you want to find out what lights you up?
Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
__________________
Photo Source: Nifty via Flicker under a Creative Commons License
Leave a comment