#5 Not Telling a Woman How Much You Appreciate Her
We know that men have a hard time talking about feelings and that they show their affection through action.
However, women love to hear how much you appreciate us. You probably did so when we first met. Keep it up, it does NOT get old. Here are a few good phrases you can use:
* Darling, you are looking great!
* Thank you so much for making dinner (breakfast, lunch, etc.) for me.
* I am so happy to be with you.
* You look beautiful in that new dress.
* I love it when you smile like that.
If it is hard for you to express your adoration in words, there are other simple gestures of affection that will go a long way:
*Bringing home flowers or a gift
*Remembering an anniversary or birthday
*Surprising us with breakfast in bed
*Inviting us to lunch or dinner, or, simply having coffee together.
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#6 Not Recognizing a Woman’s Need for Balance and Harmony
Men are masters of pain (just watch an action movie!), women are masters of pleasure.
Women like to have fun. We laugh, talk, cheer and giggle. We also love beauty & harmony. It’s our nature and it helps us to recharge our batteries.
Men often shrug their shoulders when women insist on having the best room in a hotel, take their time with picking the perfect seat in a restaurant, and expect excellent service. Little do they know that it’s our livelihood: It makes us feel good and helps us relax. Being too serious scares us and thinking about problems is not our idea of having a good time. Not so for men. They love problems, the bigger, the better.
A smart man let’s his woman have her way in choosing the right ambiance. He knows that when she is happy, he will be happy, too.
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#7 Avoiding Conflict
Have you ever had a conflict with a man and instead of dealing with it he withdrew?
When confronted with personal disagreements, men often disappear into their ‘cave’ and wait for the storm to pass. For women this can be frustrating. We solve problems by talking about them. It makes us feel better and calms us down. Men on the other hand often don’t know how to respond to a personal conflict and for fear of saying something wrong (or the risk of making a fool out of themselves) they stop communicating all together. A woman may interpret this as sign of rejection or disapproval.
If as a man you can stick with a conflict and simply listen to your partner, much will be accomplished. You don’t have to argue, defend yourself or try to solve the problem. Just listen and let us do the talking. Most likely, all we are trying to do is get the balance back that is so vital for our well-being. Now, if saying I am sorry seems appropriate, go for it!
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Related Posts:
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #1
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #2
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #3
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #4
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
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#4 Ignoring Women’s Wisdom
Women are wise, men are brilliant.
While men are masters at planning, solving problems, creating innovative systems, and developing strategies, women are wise in a whole different way: We have the ability to ‘read’ our environment.
Not only do we pick up on people’s thoughts and their intentions, we can also detect the mood of a room or the outcome of a meeting. While this sensitivity is developed to different degrees in each woman, we all have the ability to pick up on subtle clues in our surroundings.
If a woman is skilled at this, she will be able to translate her perceptions in such a way that they serve others. In a relationship or business, if a man is attentive this female skill, he can pick up on powerful information that he may overlook otherwise.
If a man does not appreciate a woman’s insights or plays them down, it is very frustrating and disappointing. Women like to be of service and we are often able to provide a fresh approach to a situation.
As for women, it’s important not to blare out whatever shows up on our ‘radar screen’ but rather organize the information and relay it in a way that enhances and serves our environment. Jumping from topic to topic without a clear message will confuse others and especially men.
Powerful men know how to listen to women and ask them for their insights: We can be the radar that will help you navigate in an effective way.
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Related Posts:
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #1
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #2
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #3
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Mistake #3: Intimidation
Finding the balance in a relationship can be hard. While some men try do please their woman to a fault, others like to show who’s in charge by physical and emotional intimidation.
If this is something you learned in a family where bullying women was modeled and accepted, you will have to dig deep and really look at your understanding of the other sex. By learning to appreciate the nurturing quality of women and by accepting their power, you can create an intimacy beyond anything you ever experienced.
Often, however, intimidation happens on a more subtle level and can be a sign that the balance in a relationship is off.
For example, if a woman behaves overly controlling and angry, chances are that her man will fight back. If this is happening in your relationship, as a woman you will have to do some soul searching to see what you are missing. It is not the man’s job to make you happy and whatever you need for your own well being, it’s crucial that you start pursuing it.
On another level, men will sometimes use a bully or cocky attitude when they feel insecure and can’t read a specific situation. If as a man you use intimidation to cover up for your insecurity, you may want to realize that your little game is actually doing the trick and that in many cases you are turning off the woman you are trying to impress.
As for women, when a man behaves in an intimidating way, don’t panic. Remember King Kong? The more relaxed and playful you remain, the more your man will be able to calm down and show his true self, which in most cases is the protective and loving partner you want him to be.
Do you have comments or other examples? I’d love to hear your point. Tomorrow I’ll talk about mistake #4: Not listening to a woman … stay tuned.
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Related Posts:
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #1
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #2
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Mistake #2: Being Too Nice, or, Always Doing the Right Thing
Many men have told me this: When it comes to their relationship they have a hard time saying no, eagerly trying to please their woman and not standing up to her.
This is a double edged sword. Men love women and really, really want to please them. Yet, if men turn into push-overs it’s the beginning of the end. Will women test your determination and will power? You bet! The paradox is, we want you to stand your ground and put some force into the relationship, however, we will challenge you all the way there. If you can’t show your strength, we will lose respect for you.
By the way, this goes both ways, much like a dance. At the beginning of a relationship, after the initial infatuation wears off, both partners try each other out. How much can we rely on each others power and strength? It’s part of building trust and it is a real fine balance.
The best cure for the ‘nice game’ for men is to have something to do that is so engaging and exciting that you simply don’t have the time to always be around to be pushed around.
Do you have questions about this? Or comments? As always, I would love to hear your point.
Tomorrow, I’ll talk about mistake #3 which is the other side of the coin: Intimidation
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Related Posts:
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #1
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Mistake #1: Not Having Weaknesses
When I ask men what mistakes they make in their relationships with women they either tell me that they don’t make any, or, that their weakness is to always do the right thing.
Hm … Let’s find out what women think. In the next few days I will list the 10 most common mistakes men make, from a woman’s perspective.
Please chime in and let me know what your experience is. Of course no man or woman is alike and what you experience in one relationship may be different in your next. But still … there are some patterns.
Let’s get going with mistake #1:
Men Have No Weaknesses. When you ask a man whether he is scared, nervous, tired or angry, the answer is most likely a resounding ‘NO’. Men are never scared, they don’t make mistakes and they certainly need no help.
To women this is confusing if not slightly unsettling. We like to nurture and we like to make people feel better. When we have problems or are concerned about something, we talk about it. So, when men always feel groovy and never need any support, it’s a bit strange.
On a more subtle level it also creates mistrust. To women it’s hard to believe that men are never cold, never angry and always have all the answers. It seems that men are not telling what’s really going on and this creates unease and suspicion, which often leads women to inquire more, trying to get to some common ground. Can you see the dilemma? Women keep persisting until men feel interrogated and pull away. In most cases, not a happy ending.
I know it’s hard for men to talk about weaknesses (”What weaknesses?”) but if you admit every once in a while that you are tired, fed up or want to be left alone, it will give us a sense of connection and it will build trust and create an intimacy you may have never experienced.
Give it a try and let me know what happens!
Tomorrow, I’ll talk about mistake #2: Being too nice, or, always doing the right thing!
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Related Posts:
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #2
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #3
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #4
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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