Most people are stuck. Stuck in jobs they don’t like, stuck in relationships that hurt, or simply stuck in a life that does not suit their needs.
Why are we, humans, so inapt at designing and living satisfying and exciting lives? Why do we feel so obligated to fit into a system that conflicts with our nature, doing what others expect of us instead of following our hearts?
For one thing, breaking free takes courage! The courage to think for yourself and to question the system and whether it works for you. We have learned to behave and to fit in. We have been trained to think in terms of problems and solutions. We know there will be punishment if we don’t find the ‘right’ answers. In the end we rely on our logical thinking for important life questions and the sad news is, the answers to those questions cannot be found in the mind. You may try as hard as you will, you can’t think yourself into a better life!
If thinking is not going to do the job, what is? Some people offer answers. Eckhart Tolle says, “Stop thinking!” Others say that one way of connecting with your soul is through meditation. While this may work for some, it is still a fairly ineffective way to finding happiness.
Some coaching methods offer effective tools. Pay close attention to ensure that those tools are not the same linear approach in disguise. Coming up with a new life plan, a new strategy or better solutions to an old problem will not be enough to get you in touch with your soul.
The good news is, all the answers to your life are within you! In your heart you know what you need to be happy. The first step on the journey to freedom is curiosity. The curiosity of not knowing, of not having the answers, of not having to fit in.
The second step is observation. Observe yourself. Are there moments when you forget your thoughts and worries? What are you doing in those moments, what activities do you engage in when you are happy and relaxed? When are you out of your mind?
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Mark Cuban, one of my all time business heroes and owner of the Dallas Mavericks, posted an article a few weeks back asking “What Are You Destined to Be”?
“Do we know what we are destined to be, or do we find it through experiences? Are each of us really good at something, and its just a matter of finding it? Do we all have something that we would love to do every day and do we inherently know it, or do we have to find it? Will what you love to do always be what you are great at?”
These are great questions, questions that as a coach I deal with every day. In my experience all of the above is true! We are really good at something that we would love to do every day and, yes, it is also what we are great at! We do inherently know what it is, and we still have to find it. If you find this confusing, welcome to life …
How do you find your destiny? Some people stumble upon it, others are lucky enough to find it early on in life and many never actualize it. They die with the music still in them.
How can you find your destiny today, without waiting to stumble upon it one day - or not? Here are a few questions you may ask yourself to get some clues:
- What do you do when you forget time?
- When are you so immersed in an activity that you forget yourself (and your worries)?
- What is it that you can’t wait to get back to, once all the “other stuff” is done?
- When are you happiest and most alive?
- What do others praise you for?
- What comes easy to you?
- What did you love to do as a kid?
Watch yourself over a few weeks and write down what you find out. Get a sense of what comes naturally to you and what brings you most satisfaction. Now, be warned, some of those activities may not seem ‘credible’! They may not be what you have been trained to consider ‘reasonable’. This is part of the dilemma. Most people are so worried about ‘doing the right thing’ and ‘fitting in’, that they miss what’s in their hearts!
As a kid you probably did what you loved naturally. You just played, without thinking, questioning, analyzing, criticizing, etc. So ask yourself today, what do you do when you play?
Photo Source: Whatmegsaid via Flickr under a Creative Commons license.
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This morning I read Heidi Klum’s production notes from the 3rd season of Germany’s Top Model. In her cheerful and straight-forward way she writes about the challenges the contestants are put through and how they reflect what the real deal is like in the modeling world. She makes it pretty clear that some of the photo shoots are quite rough and that being a model is no walk in the park!
What struck me the most were her comments about the contestants and how they individually dealt with the challenges at hand. One sloppy performance or one ‘little’ attitude and the journey for that girl could be over.
This got me thinking. Isn’t that how it works in the real world, too? In business or in relationships, do we always know what makes or breaks the deal? How do we find out if our performance is up to par or if our moods are getting in our way? I doubt most of the girls on the show noticed when they were losing it. If nobody tells you that you are acting moody, spoiled or rude, how will you change?
On the other hand, when are you letting people get away with their moods and bad behaviors? Because, lets face it, being the one to bring it on is no fun! So, are the people who are tough with us and tell it as it is in the end the ones who serve us the most? And are the others, who are always nice and conforming doing us any favor?
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Lots has been going on since the beginning of the year! You may have seen my new website, www.karinmanskecoaching.com which is replacing girltak LA and covers life coaching for women, coaching for beauty as well as coaching for your career. Take a look, I am sure you’d enjoy it.
We are in the process of launching Coach TV LA, our brand-new online TV Show! You can watch a teaser at www.mogulus.com/coachtvla! For me it’s a new experience to be in front of a camera and I am enjoying every moment of it! Our studio is in Palm Springs and if you live in the area, stop by and say hello. We would love to see you!
We are recording everything coaching, including stories, short clips, tips, and live interviews. If you are curious and would like to be on the show, shoot me an email. I’d love to have you as my guest!
This is just a short first hello, more coming soon from my desk in sunny California!
Karin
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