It was a big step. After our initial weeks in Maui, I set up my business in Texas, later California, to do what I love best, working with people and their lives.

Over the years many people have asked me how I had the courage to just pack up and leave my old life behind. Often they go on telling me that that’s what they want to do too, find their dream and pursue it. Very few, however, listen when I tell them how I did it.

If you are interest in following your dream and would like to find out how, I am listing the steps I took below. Maybe they serve you as a starting point for your own journey. If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section.

1. Find your dream
   The first step in following your dream, naturally, is to have a dream and one of the most effective ways I know how to find it is by following your aliveness. While this can be a process that takes days, weeks or even months, I encourage you to take your time and not to rush the process. The better you know what it is you want, the easier it is to get it. I recommend that you hire a life coach or work with a close friend who can help you in gaining clarity about your unique gifts, talents, and your life purpose. To give you some initial support, I am listing a few blog posts that I have written on the topic. Also, feel free to take the ‘What Lights You Up?’ life questionnaire. It is an invaluable source in helping you to get some answers.
2. Find someone who believes in you
   Once you found your dream, you need someone who believes in it - and in you - more than you do. Most of us don’t see ourselves for who we really are. We can’t see our brilliance and we don’t trust our talents. If you want to go beyond, you need to find someone who does.
   For me that person was my mentor and coach Martin Sage. He saw something in me that I could not see at the time. I trusted his vision and followed his insights and advice. I knew that left to my own devices I would create what I knew already. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different outcomes, I needed new input and in Martin I had found a mentor who inspired me to create a life beyond my wildest imagination.
3. Have a support team
   To follow through on your dream and to stay on track with your goals you need a support team. These can be friends, colleagues and family members who have your back. They are the ones who make sure you do what you set out to do and who keep you accountable during the moments when you want to back out. Because those moments will come. Doubts will arise, fears will kick in, and you will wonder what the hell you thought you were doing. That’s when you need your team to keep telling you that you can do it. Because you can.
4. Find the people who are doing what you want to do
   Whatever your dream is, someone out there is already doing it. Find them and learn from them. When I started out as a coach I looked for the best coaches and followed them around. If you want to become a writer, you have to read and study writers. If you want to become an actor, you have to find out all there is about acting, study movies, find actors you can learn from, and go where they are.
   This is one of the tests to find out if your dream is for real. If you don’t care about learning your skill, if researching and studying your industry does not inspire you, it may not be the right dream for you.
5. Serve the people you want to learn from
   Once you found the people you want to learn from, serve them. As a young person I was interested in learning about health, nutrition and entrepreneurship. So, I went to my local health food store in Berlin and asked if they needed any extra help. They did and I ended up working there during every spare minute I got aside from my ‘real’ job. At first, I was not paid for my work but eventually the store was able to bring me on as one of the managers. Not only did I learn about eating healthy, I also got my first hands-on training on how to run a successful business.
   Later, when I was learning to become a coach, I helped and assisted my mentors with setting up seminars, I organized and sat in on private sessions, and I worked as a co-trainer. While these gigs were rarely paid they gave me invaluable insights into the craft of coaching and helped me to forge my skills.
   Tip: During this time of learning and mastering your craft watch out for the “what’s in it for me” trap. The minute you care about yourself more than the process, you’ll stop learning.
6. Don’t have a back-up plan
   You may have heard the story of a great warrior who upon arriving at his enemies shores burnt all his ships behind him, leaving him and his troops with no escape. His men knew that they had only two choices, win or perish. They won.
   The same maybe true for you. If you have a leash or a safety net, chances are that you will give up and ‘go home’, back to what’s safe for you. In my case, I had the resources to build my business in the US and to survive for 4 - 5 months. And I knew that after that time I had to make enough money to support myself and my kids. I did.

Finally, the last and most important step of all is to get moving. No matter where you are right now, whether you know your dream or not, have all the resources, a support team, a mentor or not, take action. Make a phone call, talk to a friend, hire a coach and start the ball rolling. That’s the beginning of your dream.

Good luck!

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Related Posts:

Not Sure What You Want to Do With Your Life? Follow Your Light

What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action

Your Most Wonderful Gifts are Hidden Inside You

In Times of Change - Trust What You Love

It’s Easy to Forget Who You Are

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Photo Source: Marina via Flickr under a Creative Commons License

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R.E.M

I talked to a friend of mine the other day who had just put in one week at her new corporate job. “It feels like I am losing my freedom every day I walk in there,” she told me. After her first week she felt exhausted, uninspired and beat up. One hour in traffic every afternoon on her way home, 8 hours of working in an office without windows, lit only by fluorescent lights, and a strictly corporate dress code had worn her down. “I was ready to quit after the second day,” she said. “How can I write in an environment like that?” She had been hired as a social media and marketing expert in an industry she had no interest in.

The truth of the matter is that working at that job is not what my friend’s dream is made of. She loves to write and to be creative. She enjoys the freedom of being an entrepreneur and she is a risk taker. However, a steady job sounded so yummy and the regular money was certainly nice, not to mention so much safer.

Can you relate? Is your inner voice telling you to stick with the secure job as well? That you’ll make more money, have greater benefits, enjoy working a regular schedule, etc.? Or, are you convincing yourself that once you have saved up some money and paid down your debt, then you’ll get out?

The crux of the matter is, that most of the time we don’t save up that money. Instead, we get a more expensive apartment, buy a better car, afford nicer furniture, and the time to start living our dream starts slipping away. Because that time is right now.

See, we got it all wrong. We think that selling our soul for a short while won’t hurt and that making a small compromise isn’t that bad. What we don’t notice, however, is that we are losing not only our freedom but also our lives.

In the movie ‘Stop-Loss’, Ryan Phillippe gets sent back to Iraq on the day he was supposed to get out. By law the government has the right to make that choice and send qualified soldiers back to war - even when they have put in their time. After disobeying orders and running away, his dad tells him “Son, you are ruining your life!” To which his mother replies, “Do you think he’s better off getting killed in Iraq?”

Isn’t it true? The constant fear of ‘ruining our lives’ and not living up to the status quo has so many people all tied up trading aliveness for safety instead of taking the risk to live from freedom. It’s a choice we are making every day.

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Photo source: Engin Erdogan via Flickr under a creative commons license

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Earlier today when walking home from a meeting in my Santa Monica neighborhood, I saw a group of Mexican workers lying under a big pine tree. Apparently they were on their lunch break, resting, sleeping, or quietly chatting with each other.

Watching them gave me an instant sense of peacefulness and reminded me of the time when I went to high school in Chile. Twice a week we had afternoon classes and spent our lunch break with friends, venturing into nearby stores to buy food, sitting in groups on the school lawn, resting, letting the sun warm us, laughing, and chatting.

Remembering this filled my whole body with warmth and happiness. Being in the company of good friends can provide such a feeling of belonging and safety (In German we call it “Geborgenheit”). It really takes all the fear and loneliness away that at times invades our day-to-day routines of stress and hard work.

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Photo Source: Gwennypics via Flickr under a Creative Commons License

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Most women, myself no exception, are spoiled brats. We have gotten used to getting our way by looking sexy, wiggling our hips, and pretty much just by being a woman. We have also gotten used to pouting, crying, throwing tantrums or having a mood if we don’t get what we want.

This would not be a problem if it worked in our relationships, but it doesn’t. If I throw a fit with one of my girlfriends, chances are she waits until I am done and then she’ll ask what’s going on.

With men, this does not work. Never, ever, EVER! Throwing fits and having moods is the fastest way to drive your man insane and to ruin your relationship. Most women know this and still have a hard time accepting it and changing their “Why can’t a man just be like a girl? or, “I have a mood, there is nothing I can do about it.” attitude.

Because we get away with it. There are no ‘visible’ consequences. Or so we think. The truth is far from it. The consequences may be subtle but they have an enormous impact. They cost women aliveness, money, friendships, intimacy, and beauty.

Yes, every fit you throw will make you look more exhausted, angry and disappointed. We metabolize our emotions. If you take a look and study the faces of the women around you, you’ll see what I am talking about.

Now, the thing that can stop you from engaging and wallowing in your moods or tantrums is a game, a cause, or a business that’s exciting and worth playing. Also, having friends and activities that bring you joy will relax you and make you feel good about yourself. Girl talk is important and having nurturing friendships with other women will help you to keep your calm in the ups and downs of life.

What’s your experience? I’d love to find out how you have been able to let go of the drama in your life and live with passion and joy.

Namaste,
Karin

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Photo Source: Duncan via Flickr under a Creative Commons License. The picture is called “How to Pout Properly.”

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Related Posts:

10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men

Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women

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Yesterday was one of those days for me. I woke up exhausted, heavy and really felt like doing nothing. I dreaded the thought of starting the work I had laid out for the day, so I decided to completely let go and just follow the flow.

Instead of my morning round on the internet I sat down and relaxed. What did I need? What did my body want? Going back to bed? No, it did not seem like sleeping was the right thing to do, so I decided to go to my favorite yoga class, which I knew was happening that morning. It has wonderful. I followed along with the teacher without pushing my body to do more than it wanted to. By the end of the class I was completely relaxed.

After getting home I checked in with my body again. Surprising, I still wanted to rest more! It was the middle of the day and I thought, what the heck, and laid down to sleep deep and sound for almost an hour. When I woke up I felt more relaxed and happier than I had in a long time.

For the rest of the day I kept following what my body told me to do. It was a wonderful experience. I was at ease with myself and the world. Whenever feelings of guilt came up: “Shouldn’t I be doing more? What about my work?” I just acknowledged - and ignored them. This day was for me.

Interesting enough, while I was taking time out, my work seemed to happen all by itself: I got unexpected requests for coaching and an invitation for lunch with one of my favorite clients. I guess sometimes life works better when you just relax and let go.

If you had the whole day to yourself and you could spend it any way you wanted to, what would you do?

Namaste
Karin

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Every once in a while, however, the pattern is disrupted. All of a sudden things turn out in surprising new ways and for a short moment the veil of your day-to-day routine is lifted. Maybe you overslept and your whole morning unfolds completely different than on other days. Or, … maybe a volcano erupts and the trip you had been looking forward to for weeks is unexpectedly canceled …

While these are all outside influences, there is yet another way of disrupting your expectations and that is through awareness. If you look into your life and realize that most of your activities are run on auto pilot, you can change some things around and create new and astonishing results. To do this you have to

1. Be aware of your expectations. To change what you are expecting you need to be first aware of your habits. Take a look around in your life and realize how your expectations have secretly turned into ironclad facts.

2. Challenge your expectations. With more awareness come new choices. Once you noticed your expectations, challenge them. Maybe you don’t have to wake up in a grumpy mood every morning? Or, maybe there isn’t a long line at the post office.

3. Watch what unfolds. Once you realize how much power you have in shaping your life, you can consciously use it to create more exciting outcomes. Below, I am sharing a story from my own life about how many years ago I realized that I had created a character (my habitual self) that was utterly boring and how I went about to change it:

Most of us take on a personality when we grow up, a way of being that we think will get us through life unharmed and unscathed. In my case, I had convinced myself that I would do best by being responsible, dependable, and a know-it-all (My sister was considered the cute one, so scoring with my good looks was not an option). With this character I had developed a seriousness that had pervaded my whole being over the years.

This didn’t really bother me until I moved to Austin, TX. Boy, were things different here. People were smiling all day long in a BIG way and my serious mood was most unusual. This was especially noticeable every time I went out to go dancing and to have a good time. While other women were asked to dance all night long, very few men approached me and if they did, it was for only one dance.

I was clueless to why this was happening and started to convince myself that men did not like me very much. At some point I talked to one of my girlfriends about it and she simply told me ‘to lighten up and to be a bit more cheerful’. “Well,” I said, “that’s just not who I am.” “Oh, just fake it then,” she replied. I was puzzled. What was she thinking? How could I fake it? Certainly nobody would buy my act. However, next time out on the town, I tried it. While I was sitting there watching the people on the dance floor I put a big (fake) smile on my face. Sure enough, I was soon asked to dance. I kept smiling and I was asked over and over again. I was shocked! Men even told me that I was a lot of fun. They went for it? I couldn’t believe it. But, I kept up my act and over time it became more and more natural. I was actually really enjoying myself and realized that being playful was much more of who I am than my old serious self.

I hope this inspires you to try your luck with a new approach to your expectations in life. Let me know how it goes, I’d love to hear your story.

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Related Posts:

Old Habits Die Hard: Self Coaching in Action

The Power of Attention: How to Add More Ease to Your Life

What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action

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Do you want to find out what lights you up?

Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’

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Photo Source: Nifty via Flicker under a Creative Commons License

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,,,,,

Coaching yourself is quite different from working with an outside coach. In self coaching you can’t rely on someone else for keeping you on track with your goals and in giving you honest feedback. A new degree of intensity and discipline is added to the process. The outside guide is replaced with an inner guide. Self-awareness and the willingness to take an honest look at yourself are key if you want to come face-to-face with your greatness as well as your weaknesses.

This can be humbling (coming to terms with your shortcomings) as well as terrifying (accepting your brilliance). You won’t be able to fool yourself or blame others for your mistakes any longer: Once you wake up, life will be speaking to you loud and clear.

Accepting yourself for who you are can be daunting. You will realize that you can have anything you want and that the only person keeping you from living your dream is you. With more clarity you’ll get a glimpse of the vibrant being you want to become. That’s also when you start to recognize that you have old habits that are not serving your own best interest. If you want to become a better person, you’ll have to clean up your act. The question is, how?

Below I am sharing three steps that have helped me in finding and changing some of my own set ways. Recognizing and letting go of them is essential in living your life with more honesty and passion.

Step One: Discover

With increased awareness comes increased responsibility. While you learn to coach yourself you will most likely become more sensitive to your environment. You’ll notice the impact you have on other people and the impact they have on you. Let’s say that with becoming more aware you notice that you have a certain way of turning people off. This could be from fear of not being heard, of abandonment, of commitment, or many other reasons. It may lead you to wanting to win other people’s approval, always having to have the last word, the need to be right, etc. You’ll be the judge of how you play the game. Once you recognize your pattern, ask yourself two important questions:

How am I using this habit?  And, is it serving my own best interest? Observe yourself closely: What triggers your behavior and how is it played out? If you feel courageous, venture into your past and find out when you started this behavior and what it is protecting. Is it expanding your life or is it costing you health, wealth, and friends? Be really honest with yourself. Once all this has become much clearer, move on to the next step.

Step Two: Accept

Before you can change a habit you have to accept it. What I realized in my own practice is that before I submitted to what I was doing there was a tendency to make excuses, to act as if I had no control, or to ignore it altogether. Once you have gone through all of these detours (take all the time you need) you’ll come to a place of surrender and acceptance. Any way you look at the situation now, you realize that there is no way out other than changing what you are doing. At this point you are ready for step three.

Step Three: Change

Once you accepted responsibility for your behavior, you can let it go. As you may know, old habits die hard and sometimes it seems almost impossible. Believe me, it can be done. What I recommend is to set up a game. Here is how it works:

Tell someone you trust what you have discovered that you want to change it. Now, create a game. For example, I notice my tendency to coach people whether they asked me to or not. I guess it comes with the territory . Once I could no longer ignore my behavior and was ready to adjust it, I told my husband about it. Together we thought of a game. This is what we came up with: For one week, every time I interfered in someone’s life without their permission, I would point it out to them and apologize for it. In addition, I would do 10 push-ups and 10 crunches for each act of unrequested coaching. This may sound silly, but it worked. By the end of the week I had not only gotten stronger arms, I had also learned to catch myself from meddling in other people’s lives.

One tip: When creating the game, make it fun as well as challenging. If the consequences are too low, chances are that you will not put in the effort to make the adjustment.

I hope this helps in creating new opportunities in your life. If you have questions or comments, please let me know in the section below.

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Related Posts:

The Power of Attention: How to Add More Ease to Your Life

What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action

__________________

Do you want to find out what lights you up?

Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’

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Photo Source: Butler Corey via Flicker under a Creative Commons License

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Most of us are masters at listening to our thoughts. We wake up with them in the morning and we go to bed with them at night. The problem with this is that we believe in what we hear. When in fact our thoughts have very little, if nothing, to do with reality. Because most of the stories we make up, about our life and that of others, are not true.

For example: The other day one of my friends called me to apologize for a careless remark she had made at a party and that she thought had left me visibly upset. This had been bothering her for days and in her mind had grown into an issue that she was afraid could harm our friendship. The funny thing was that I could not remember her remark at all, let alone being upset by it. In her mind she had made up this ‘reality’ entirely.

Depending on your thoughts for guiding you through life is very limiting. If, however, you add the skill of listening to your body, now you have two responses to measure reality by. Not only does this offer more choices, it also reconnects you with your body, your senses and ultimately with your soul.

“By believing in your thoughts you create stories, memories and the passing of time … by being present in the moment you create infinity …”

Action Step: Listen to Your Body

For one day, check in with your body any time you experience stress or a disruption. This will require a shift away from your thoughts and it will help you to stay more present with what’s really going on.

Let’s say you start your day off by taking your kids to school (or driving to work). You are leaving the house late and traffic is bad. Instead of getting aggravated, worrying about being late and possibly calling other drivers names, take a step back and tune into your body. What sensations do you feel? Is there a knot in your stomach? Are you sweating, do you experience a tightness in your chest, or in your throat? Try to stay aware of your sensations until they dissipate.

Repeat this exercise throughout your day. Over time, your awareness will increase. You will be able to stay present with your thoughts and with your body, and you will start to recognize when your thoughts are telling you the truth and when they are not.

For example: Imagine you have been wanting to take dance lessons for a long time. Yet, whenever you approach the issue, your mind keeps telling you that you are too busy, that you don’t have a partner, that you are not a good dancer, etc. When listening to your body, however, you notice that the thought of dancing gives you butterflies in your stomach and a tingling feeling of excitement. Do yo see how this can help you in making a choice towards happiness? Who knows, maybe you’ll meet your soul mate while out dancing or you realize that you want to integrate movement into your business.

Hope this helps you in creating a magical life. If you have questions, please email me. I’d love to be of help.

Photo Source: Nao.k via Flickr under a Creative Commons License

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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’

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Listening to Byron Katie’s book ‘I Need Your Love - Is That True?” I was reminded of the great paradox, the one that can be so hard to accept: Life isn’t perfect, you are not perfect … and that’s perfect.

You don’t need to change. Pain comes from thinking that you should be different, that things should not be the way they are. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to improve to be your best self.

Start here: Nothing has to change. You are alright now and so is your life.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Enjoy yourself. You are perfect with all your flaws, imperfections, and obsessions.

In her book, Byron Katie says that the quest for finding approval and appreciation from others is what consumes most people all day and every day. It sets in motion hundreds of strategies to win favor, and admiration, or just to please. It’s a constant monitoring to see if we are gaining or losing ground in the approval sweepstakes.

What a strange thing. We put our power and self-love into the hands of others and buy into the idea that unless people approve of us we are worthless. And so we think that we have to change to be loved. The irony is that the struggle to win love makes it very difficult to experience it.

Start having enjoyable conversations with yourself. Laugh about your obsessions and let yourself be amused by your worries and fears. Life is here to support you, it want’s to work out. Start to understand that your imperfections are perfect and so are the imperfections of the people around you.

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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’

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Below is what Brenda says about creating one another through listening, attention and words. Enjoy!

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force…

When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. Ideas actually begin to grow within us and come to life…

When we listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other…

and it is this little creative fountain inside us that begins to spring and cast up new thoughts and unexpected laughter and wisdom…

Well, it is when people really listen to us, with quiet fascinated attention, that the little fountain begins to work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way.”  -Brenda Ueland

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