Most women, myself no exception, are spoiled brats. We have gotten used to getting our way by looking sexy, wiggling our hips, and pretty much just by being a woman. We have also gotten used to pouting, crying, throwing tantrums or having a mood if we don’t get what we want.
This would not be a problem if it worked in our relationships, but it doesn’t. If I throw a fit with one of my girlfriends, chances are she waits until I am done and then she’ll ask what’s going on.
With men, this does not work. Never, ever, EVER! Throwing fits and having moods is the fastest way to drive your man insane and to ruin your relationship. Most women know this and still have a hard time accepting it and changing their “Why can’t a man just be like a girl? or, “I have a mood, there is nothing I can do about it.” attitude.
Because we get away with it. There are no ‘visible’ consequences. Or so we think. The truth is far from it. The consequences may be subtle but they have an enormous impact. They cost women aliveness, money, friendships, intimacy, and beauty.
Yes, every fit you throw will make you look more exhausted, angry and disappointed. We metabolize our emotions. If you take a look and study the faces of the women around you, you’ll see what I am talking about.
Now, the thing that can stop you from engaging and wallowing in your moods or tantrums is a game, a cause, or a business that’s exciting and worth playing. Also, having friends and activities that bring you joy will relax you and make you feel good about yourself. Girl talk is important and having nurturing friendships with other women will help you to keep your calm in the ups and downs of life.
What’s your experience? I’d love to find out how you have been able to let go of the drama in your life and live with passion and joy.
Namaste,
Karin
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Photo Source: Duncan via Flickr under a Creative Commons License. The picture is called “How to Pout Properly.”
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Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women
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If you are a man in a relationship with a woman, you may have experienced this scenario: Your significant other tells you about a problem she’s facing, and, after thinking about it for a moment, you tell her how to handle it. Case closed.
As you probably noticed, it’s not that easy. Women like to talk about problems and men like to solve them. However, women seldom follow the advice they are given.
Why? When women have a problem or are dealing with a confusing situation, we like to talk about it. We are looking for input, and, most likely, we are looking for lots of it.
As women, we like to consider our options and, we may not be looking for a simple one-fits-all answer. Because, well, see, there are so many different ways to approach the issue.
I guess the positive aspect of this behavior is that it helps to minimize the risk of making a bad decision. The downside is, as my husband puts it, that women may get killed before they come up with an answer.
If as a man you are frustrated with our response to your well meant suggestion, rest assured that we don’t mean to upset you. We may just need a little longer to come to a similar conclusion … or drop the issue all together.
Photo Source: beau-foto via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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#5 Not Telling a Woman How Much You Appreciate Her
We know that men have a hard time talking about feelings and that they show their affection through action.
However, women love to hear how much you appreciate us. You probably did so when we first met. Keep it up, it does NOT get old. Here are a few good phrases you can use:
* Darling, you are looking great!
* Thank you so much for making dinner (breakfast, lunch, etc.) for me.
* I am so happy to be with you.
* You look beautiful in that new dress.
* I love it when you smile like that.
If it is hard for you to express your adoration in words, there are other simple gestures of affection that will go a long way:
*Bringing home flowers or a gift
*Remembering an anniversary or birthday
*Surprising us with breakfast in bed
*Inviting us to lunch or dinner, or, simply having coffee together.
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#6 Not Recognizing a Woman’s Need for Balance and Harmony
Men are masters of pain (just watch an action movie!), women are masters of pleasure.
Women like to have fun. We laugh, talk, cheer and giggle. We also love beauty & harmony. It’s our nature and it helps us to recharge our batteries.
Men often shrug their shoulders when women insist on having the best room in a hotel, take their time with picking the perfect seat in a restaurant, and expect excellent service. Little do they know that it’s our livelihood: It makes us feel good and helps us relax. Being too serious scares us and thinking about problems is not our idea of having a good time. Not so for men. They love problems, the bigger, the better.
A smart man let’s his woman have her way in choosing the right ambiance. He knows that when she is happy, he will be happy, too.
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#7 Avoiding Conflict
Have you ever had a conflict with a man and instead of dealing with it he withdrew?
When confronted with personal disagreements, men often disappear into their ‘cave’ and wait for the storm to pass. For women this can be frustrating. We solve problems by talking about them. It makes us feel better and calms us down. Men on the other hand often don’t know how to respond to a personal conflict and for fear of saying something wrong (or the risk of making a fool out of themselves) they stop communicating all together. A woman may interpret this as sign of rejection or disapproval.
If as a man you can stick with a conflict and simply listen to your partner, much will be accomplished. You don’t have to argue, defend yourself or try to solve the problem. Just listen and let us do the talking. Most likely, all we are trying to do is get the balance back that is so vital for our well-being. Now, if saying I am sorry seems appropriate, go for it!
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Related Posts:
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #1
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #2
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #3
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #4
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
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Photo Source: Lepiaf.geo via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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#4 Ignoring Women’s Wisdom
Women are wise, men are brilliant.
While men are masters at planning, solving problems, creating innovative systems, and developing strategies, women are wise in a whole different way: We have the ability to ‘read’ our environment.
Not only do we pick up on people’s thoughts and their intentions, we can also detect the mood of a room or the outcome of a meeting. While this sensitivity is developed to different degrees in each woman, we all have the ability to pick up on subtle clues in our surroundings.
If a woman is skilled at this, she will be able to translate her perceptions in such a way that they serve others. In a relationship or business, if a man is attentive this female skill, he can pick up on powerful information that he may overlook otherwise.
If a man does not appreciate a woman’s insights or plays them down, it is very frustrating and disappointing. Women like to be of service and we are often able to provide a fresh approach to a situation.
As for women, it’s important not to blare out whatever shows up on our ‘radar screen’ but rather organize the information and relay it in a way that enhances and serves our environment. Jumping from topic to topic without a clear message will confuse others and especially men.
Powerful men know how to listen to women and ask them for their insights: We can be the radar that will help you navigate in an effective way.
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Related Posts:
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #1
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #2
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #3
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Photo Source: Lepiaf.geo via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Mistake #3: Intimidation
Finding the balance in a relationship can be hard. While some men try do please their woman to a fault, others like to show who’s in charge by physical and emotional intimidation.
If this is something you learned in a family where bullying women was modeled and accepted, you will have to dig deep and really look at your understanding of the other sex. By learning to appreciate the nurturing quality of women and by accepting their power, you can create an intimacy beyond anything you ever experienced.
Often, however, intimidation happens on a more subtle level and can be a sign that the balance in a relationship is off.
For example, if a woman behaves overly controlling and angry, chances are that her man will fight back. If this is happening in your relationship, as a woman you will have to do some soul searching to see what you are missing. It is not the man’s job to make you happy and whatever you need for your own well being, it’s crucial that you start pursuing it.
On another level, men will sometimes use a bully or cocky attitude when they feel insecure and can’t read a specific situation. If as a man you use intimidation to cover up for your insecurity, you may want to realize that your little game is actually doing the trick and that in many cases you are turning off the woman you are trying to impress.
As for women, when a man behaves in an intimidating way, don’t panic. Remember King Kong? The more relaxed and playful you remain, the more your man will be able to calm down and show his true self, which in most cases is the protective and loving partner you want him to be.
Do you have comments or other examples? I’d love to hear your point. Tomorrow I’ll talk about mistake #4: Not listening to a woman … stay tuned.
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Related Posts:
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #1
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women - #2
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Photo Source: JoF via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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