16 years ago I did something brave. I sold my furniture, put my belongings into boxes, bought 3 big suitcases, 3 airline tickets, and, on the eve of a new year, boarded a plane to Hawaii with my two little children. I was following my dream.
It was a big step. After our initial weeks in Maui, I set up my business in Texas, later California, to do what I love best, working with people and their lives.
Over the years many people have asked me how I had the courage to just pack up and leave my old life behind. Often they go on telling me that that’s what they want to do too, find their dream and pursue it. Very few, however, listen when I tell them how I did it.
If you are interest in following your dream and would like to find out how, I am listing the steps I took below. Maybe they serve you as a starting point for your own journey. If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section.
- Find your dream
The first step in following your dream, naturally, is to have a dream and one of the most effective ways I know how to find it is by following your aliveness. While this can be a process that takes days, weeks or even months, I encourage you to take your time and not to rush the process. The better you know what it is you want, the easier it is to get it. I recommend that you hire a life coach or work with a close friend who can help you in gaining clarity about your unique gifts, talents, and your life purpose. To give you some initial support, I am listing a few blog posts that I have written on the topic. Also, feel free to take the ‘What Lights You Up?’ life questionnaire. It is an invaluable source in helping you to get some answers.
- Find someone who believes in you
Once you found your dream, you need someone who believes in it - and in you - more than you do. Most of us don’t see ourselves for who we really are. We can’t see our brilliance and we don’t trust our talents. If you want to go beyond, you need to find someone who does.
For me that person was my mentor and coach Martin Sage. He saw something in me that I could not see at the time. I trusted his vision and followed his insights and advice. I knew that left to my own devices I would create what I knew already. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different outcomes, I needed new input and in Martin I had found a mentor who inspired me to create a life beyond my wildest imagination.
- Have a support team
To follow through on your dream and to stay on track with your goals you need a support team. These can be friends, colleagues and family members who have your back. They are the ones who make sure you do what you set out to do and who keep you accountable during the moments when you want to back out. Because those moments will come. Doubts will arise, fears will kick in, and you will wonder what the hell you thought you were doing. That’s when you need your team to keep telling you that you can do it. Because you can.
- Find the people who are doing what you want to do
Whatever your dream is, someone out there is already doing it. Find them and learn from them. When I started out as a coach I looked for the best coaches and followed them around. If you want to become a writer, you have to read and study writers. If you want to become an actor, you have to find out all there is about acting, study movies, find actors you can learn from, and go where they are.
This is one of the tests to find out if your dream is for real. If you don’t care about learning your skill, if researching and studying your industry does not inspire you, it may not be the right dream for you.
- Serve the people you want to learn from
Once you found the people you want to learn from, serve them. As a young person I was interested in learning about health, nutrition and entrepreneurship. So, I went to my local health food store in Berlin and asked if they needed any extra help. They did and I ended up working there during every spare minute I got aside from my ‘real’ job. At first, I was not paid for my work but eventually the store was able to bring me on as one of the managers. Not only did I learn about eating healthy, I also got my first hands-on training on how to run a successful business.
Later, when I was learning to become a coach, I helped and assisted my mentors with setting up seminars, I organized and sat in on private sessions, and I worked as a co-trainer. While these gigs were rarely paid they gave me invaluable insights into the craft of coaching and helped me to forge my skills.
Tip: During this time of learning and mastering your craft watch out for the “what’s in it for me” trap. The minute you care about yourself more than the process, you’ll stop learning.
- Don’t have a back-up plan
You may have heard the story of a great warrior who upon arriving at his enemies shores burnt all his ships behind him, leaving him and his troops with no escape. His men knew that they had only two choices, win or perish. They won.
The same maybe true for you. If you have a leash or a safety net, chances are that you will give up and ‘go home’, back to what’s safe for you. In my case, I had the resources to build my business in the US and to survive for 4 - 5 months. And I knew that after that time I had to make enough money to support myself and my kids. I did.
Finally, the last and most important step of all is to get moving. No matter where you are right now, whether you know your dream or not, have all the resources, a support team, a mentor or not, take action. Make a phone call, talk to a friend, hire a coach and start the ball rolling. That’s the beginning of your dream.
Good luck!
_______________________________
Related Posts:
Not Sure What You Want to Do With Your Life? Follow Your Light
What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action
Your Most Wonderful Gifts are Hidden Inside You
In Times of Change - Trust What You Love
It’s Easy to Forget Who You Are
_______________________________
Photo Source: Marina via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
Tweet This Post 
Facebook
2010 is upon us!
What better time than the days between Christmas and the New Year to regroup, rethink and redesign. Not only does this time hold promises of possibilities and new beginnings, it also offers an opportunity to sort out your life, start some things anew and reinvent yourself.
In mythology the 12 nights between Christmas and January 6 are called the Holy Nights. People over the ages have used the Earth’s stillness and increased darkness for introspection and meditation.
Take a look at nature. During the winter’s long nights and coldness the Earth has come to a stand-still. Trees have shed their leaves, plants have stopped growing and nature is holding in its breath. Or so it seems. Deep down in the darkness of moist and dirt, however, the Earth is busier than ever getting ready for its renewal in Spring. It is during this period of bleakness on the outside when most inner work is taking place.
Can we use this time to reinvent ourselves as well? Will what we plant now come to fruition in 2010? I like to believe so. Over the years I have come to love and cherish these days between Christmas and the New Year when work is slow, the kids are off from school and our day-to-day routine has come to a halt. I use this time for my yearly inventory and to relax from the outside pressures so I can regroup and re-envision myself.
Here are some of the things I have come to love:
Dare to be still- Allow yourself to do nothing. After the busyness of the last few weeks this may feel strange. Be patient with yourself. It may take your mind and body a little while to unwind. Our outside world offers so much stimulation all day long that it almost seems easier to be busy than to be still. I went to see a movie last night and was surprised how crowded the streets were! If you want to use this time for inside reflection, be aware of life’s many distractions.
Indulge- Get lost in things you love. Do what you normally don’t allow yourself to do. Put the brakes on the ‘work a little harder, do a little more, go the extra mile’ mindset and indulge. This can be anything from keeping your computer turned off for a while, sleeping in till noon, going on long walks, daydreaming, taking hot baths, reading a novel, watching as many movies as you want, etc. Whatever helps you to relax and recharge your batteries will enable you to regain the vision for your life.
Dream- I read at one point that the dreams we have during the 12 nights of Christmas hold insights and answers to our lives most pressing questions. True or not, I love these kinds of myths and use them for reflection. Each morning I take time to remember and write down the dreams I had the night before and see if they trigger something within me. It is a lot of fun. If you like you can look up some of the symbols in a dream dictionary.
Meditate- It is during the months of winter that I meditate. Maybe you are doing this already on a regular basis and I congratulate you! For me meditation does not come easy and I have to consciously schedule it. What has helped me is using Deepak Chopra’s amazing book The Instantaneous Fulfillment of Desire. It offers a guided 7-day meditation as well as ways to select different archetypes that reflect your inner most values and desires. I really love the process and invite you to try it out. It is a great source for insights and healing.
Journal- Write down your dreams. I am a sucker for all things beautiful, so for me this starts with choosing a beautiful journal and a nice pen :). I carry this book with me at all times and write down whatever ideas or revelations I have. You may wake up one morning and see with great clarity who you want to be, where you want to live and what you want to do. Write it down. It’s how I have conjured up many things in my life from jobs to successes, adventures, and even the love of my life!
Collages- We all learn and reflect in different ways. Maybe for you putting together pictures is a fun way of dreaming up your future? You can make a collage for your private life, one for your business, for your relationships, etc. It can be big or small, elaborate or simple. At one point I started a dream book with blank pages (Sketch books are great for this) that I turned into collages one by one. It is an ongoing project and I add a new page every few months. It is fun to watch how the images have changed over the years. In my case from busy to calm and from wild city life to serenity and peacefulness.
Putting it all together- The greatest insights and ideas will turn to nothing if you don’t put them into action. All throughout this time of retrospection and reflection, I also set goals. I keep a big calendar for 2010 and plan out my year according to what inspires me and what projects I want to expand on. For example in 2009 I have been writing on a regular basis and I started to put my coaching expertise into a self-coaching book. In 2010 I want to find more of that writer in my heart and finish my book.
How about you? What do you cherish about this time? I’d love to find out what your rituals are in getting ready for 2010!
_______________________
Are you curious to find out who you want to be in 2010? Join me for a 6-week ‘What Lights You Up’ Coaching Group starting on January 13th!
Tweet This Post Facebook
It’s that time of year again and while preparing for Christmas, I couldn’t help but think that the most precious gift we can give to each other is to live our lives with an open heart.
Happiness is a skill we are all born with. Keeping it alive in a society that values achievements, good grades and winning over personal connections and joy, is sometimes not so easy.
As kids our hearts are vibrant and our experiences immediate. If we hurt we cry, if we are angry we scream. I remember how my son told me once that he had locked himself up in a bathroom to cry for an hour because he had so much pain in his heart. He was directing a group of performers at the time and didn’t think anything of it. He felt pressure in his heart and he dealt with it. He was young.
When was the last time you did that?
How do you make your heart glow again?
When your heart is heavy, life seems dull. Judging others and secretly blaming them for what’s happening in your life has become a habit that tightened your senses. You may think this is normal, but honestly, has it always been this way? Can you remember times when you were light and full of joy?
If you want to rekindle your happiness you need to find ways to relax your heart. Being aware of the numbness that has taken hold of you is the first step. Most likely you haven’t even noticed how heaviness crept in; it happened slowly and while you learned to toughen up, worked hard, and got things done, you stopped feeling life.
The good news is that you can learn how to be happy again. It is after all your natural state. Below are a few exercises that can help you in waking up to the ecstasy of being alive:
Allow yourself to cry. Crying is a great way of letting go of the pressures in your body. Stop holding back and go for it: Read a sad book, watch a sad movie and let your feelings flow: Ahh, this is good!
Be aware of your thoughts. They naturally want to tell you that it’s someone’s fault that you are unhappy, that it must have some deep and dirty reason, however, it doesn’t. Cry without attachment or drama. This may take some practice but ultimately it’s a great relief. You can be unhappy (or happy) for no reason.
Practice forgiveness. Feelings of empathy and forgiveness make your heart soft. Holding back your love hurts. Realize how you actively engage in acts of revenge and start practicing forgiveness. Hitting back may feel good at the moment but it will keep you alone and isolated in the long run. If it’s meant to hurt, it will hurt you first.
Write down the arguments you are nursing in your mind. Do they open your heart? Are they creating deeper and more intimate connections? Given the choice, pick forgiveness over revenge any time. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge every little success along the way.
Let things go and move on … Dwelling on past events, especially painful ones, keeps them fresh and alive. Practice to let things go that you can’t do anything about. This takes concentration. Complaining and blaming are habits that die hard. Angelina Jolie said in an interview once: “I don’t believe in regrets. It’s a dangerous habit to get into — it makes you pause in your life if you start thinking back and questioning yourself.”
Surround yourself with light hearted people. Have you ever noticed that laughing comes easier with some people than others? Find people that inspire you and that light you up. Stop complaining about your life and don’t allow others to complain about theirs. Kids are bundles of love. If you have kids, spend time with them and drink in their energy. Be careful to keep their lights on.
What has made the biggest difference in my own life have been people who believed in my sweetness rather than my shortcomings. Practice the act of loving attention with yourself and others. Believing in your own goodness and the goodness of the people around you will make the biggest difference and will ultimately let you feel life again with all it’s depth and glory.
Good luck on your journey and Merry Christmas!
_______________
Photo Source: lepiaf.geo via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
Tweet This Post Facebook
On a day when I am overwhelmed by the feeling of overwhelm and trying to relax the tight knot in my stomach, I stumble across Steth Godin’s new ebook: What Matters Now and find this entry:
EASE
We are the strivingest people who have ever lived. We are ambitious, time-starved, competitive, distracted. We move at full velocity, yet constantly fear we are not doing enough. Though we live longer than any humans before us, our lives feel shorter, restless, breathless…
Dear ones, EASE UP. Pump the brakes. Take a step back. Seriously. Take two steps back. Turn off all your electronics and surrender over all your aspirations and do absolutely nothing for a spell. I know, I know – we all need to save the world. But trust me: The world will still need saving tomorrow. In the meantime, you’re going to have a stroke soon (or cause a stroke in somebody else) if you don’t calm the hell down.
So go take a walk. Or don’t. Consider actually exhaling. Find a body of water and float. Hit a tennis ball against a wall. Tell your colleagues that you’re off meditating (people take meditation seriously, so you’ll be absolved from guilt) and then actually, secretly, nap.
My radical suggestion? Cease participation, if only for one day this year – if only to make sure that we don’t lose forever the rare and vanishing human talent of appreciating ease.
____________
Elizabeth Gilbert is the author of Eat, Pray, Love. Her new book
Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage will be
published in January, 2010.
Hope this little piece on ease lights up your day, it certainly brightened mine. If you want to download your own copy of What Matters Now, you can do so here.
____________
Photo Source: lepiaf.geo via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
Tweet This Post Facebook
My youngest daughter loves going to school. For a while, however, I noticed that she came home rather quiet and mellow. I watched this for a few days and then decided to find out what was going on. After asking her a few questions she told me that her teacher had placed a boy next to her that was teasing her a lot. We talked about it and I took my time listening to her, offering my support and sharing a few thoughts of how she could respond to the teasing.
After a while my daughter started to relax and looked much happier. The next day she came home in high spirits. After asking her about the boy she told me that her teacher had replaced him to the back of the room. Situation handled. Other than giving it a little bit of attention, we didn’t do a thing.
That’s how powerful it is when you use your attention with care. It allows you to navigate through life with great ease and pleasure. It also allows you to pick and choose the experiences you want to have. If you focus on ease, that’s what you get. If you pay attention to trouble, guess what shows up?
In his fabulous book Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life, Winifred Gallagher writes “Far more than you may realize, your experience, your world, and even your self are the creations of what you focus on. From distressing sights to soothing sounds … the targets of your attention are the building blocks of your life. … Like other forms of energy, this mental sort is used most effectively by those who understand how it works.”
How does it work? Just as you can read the aliveness of people, you are also able to read the aliveness of your surroundings. Most likely you are doing this already. Do you notice whether a place is soothing or irritating? Do you avoid certain tables at a restaurant? You may be unaware of the fact, but you are picking up on clues in your environment all the time. By reading the energy of your surroundings and by responding to it in a sensitive fashion, you can pick and choose the amount of ease and flow in your life. It’s the difference between stepping into a puddle, and keeping your feet dry.
Exercise:
Use your attention consciously today. Pick a table that is inviting rather than convenient when going to lunch or for coffee. Pay attention to the people around you. What impact do they have on you? Be aware of your body and the clues you receive in different situations. Listen and respond with sensitive action. Take a break when you get tired, move your body when you get anxious, intentionally choose what’s best for you at any given moment. The more you practice the art of focused attention, the easier it will get until it becomes second nature.
Hope this helps you in adding more ease and pleasure to your life. Let me know how it works out for you.
Photo Source: Zenobia_Joy via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
—————
Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
—————–
Tweet This Post Facebook
