16 years ago I did something brave. I sold my furniture, put my belongings into boxes, bought 3 big suitcases, 3 airline tickets, and, on the eve of a new year, boarded a plane to Hawaii with my two little children. I was following my dream.
It was a big step. After our initial weeks in Maui, I set up my business in Texas, later California, to do what I love best, working with people and their lives.
Over the years many people have asked me how I had the courage to just pack up and leave my old life behind. Often they go on telling me that that’s what they want to do too, find their dream and pursue it. Very few, however, listen when I tell them how I did it.
If you are interest in following your dream and would like to find out how, I am listing the steps I took below. Maybe they serve you as a starting point for your own journey. If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section.
- Find your dream
The first step in following your dream, naturally, is to have a dream and one of the most effective ways I know how to find it is by following your aliveness. While this can be a process that takes days, weeks or even months, I encourage you to take your time and not to rush the process. The better you know what it is you want, the easier it is to get it. I recommend that you hire a life coach or work with a close friend who can help you in gaining clarity about your unique gifts, talents, and your life purpose. To give you some initial support, I am listing a few blog posts that I have written on the topic. Also, feel free to take the ‘What Lights You Up?’ life questionnaire. It is an invaluable source in helping you to get some answers.
- Find someone who believes in you
Once you found your dream, you need someone who believes in it - and in you - more than you do. Most of us don’t see ourselves for who we really are. We can’t see our brilliance and we don’t trust our talents. If you want to go beyond, you need to find someone who does.
For me that person was my mentor and coach Martin Sage. He saw something in me that I could not see at the time. I trusted his vision and followed his insights and advice. I knew that left to my own devices I would create what I knew already. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different outcomes, I needed new input and in Martin I had found a mentor who inspired me to create a life beyond my wildest imagination.
- Have a support team
To follow through on your dream and to stay on track with your goals you need a support team. These can be friends, colleagues and family members who have your back. They are the ones who make sure you do what you set out to do and who keep you accountable during the moments when you want to back out. Because those moments will come. Doubts will arise, fears will kick in, and you will wonder what the hell you thought you were doing. That’s when you need your team to keep telling you that you can do it. Because you can.
- Find the people who are doing what you want to do
Whatever your dream is, someone out there is already doing it. Find them and learn from them. When I started out as a coach I looked for the best coaches and followed them around. If you want to become a writer, you have to read and study writers. If you want to become an actor, you have to find out all there is about acting, study movies, find actors you can learn from, and go where they are.
This is one of the tests to find out if your dream is for real. If you don’t care about learning your skill, if researching and studying your industry does not inspire you, it may not be the right dream for you.
- Serve the people you want to learn from
Once you found the people you want to learn from, serve them. As a young person I was interested in learning about health, nutrition and entrepreneurship. So, I went to my local health food store in Berlin and asked if they needed any extra help. They did and I ended up working there during every spare minute I got aside from my ‘real’ job. At first, I was not paid for my work but eventually the store was able to bring me on as one of the managers. Not only did I learn about eating healthy, I also got my first hands-on training on how to run a successful business.
Later, when I was learning to become a coach, I helped and assisted my mentors with setting up seminars, I organized and sat in on private sessions, and I worked as a co-trainer. While these gigs were rarely paid they gave me invaluable insights into the craft of coaching and helped me to forge my skills.
Tip: During this time of learning and mastering your craft watch out for the “what’s in it for me” trap. The minute you care about yourself more than the process, you’ll stop learning.
- Don’t have a back-up plan
You may have heard the story of a great warrior who upon arriving at his enemies shores burnt all his ships behind him, leaving him and his troops with no escape. His men knew that they had only two choices, win or perish. They won.
The same maybe true for you. If you have a leash or a safety net, chances are that you will give up and ‘go home’, back to what’s safe for you. In my case, I had the resources to build my business in the US and to survive for 4 - 5 months. And I knew that after that time I had to make enough money to support myself and my kids. I did.
Finally, the last and most important step of all is to get moving. No matter where you are right now, whether you know your dream or not, have all the resources, a support team, a mentor or not, take action. Make a phone call, talk to a friend, hire a coach and start the ball rolling. That’s the beginning of your dream.
Good luck!
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Related Posts:
Not Sure What You Want to Do With Your Life? Follow Your Light
What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action
Your Most Wonderful Gifts are Hidden Inside You
In Times of Change - Trust What You Love
It’s Easy to Forget Who You Are
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Photo Source: Marina via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Most things in life happen because we expect them to. You expect to feel a certain way when you wake up in the morning and most likely you will. You anticipate a line at the post office when you go to drop off a letter and, voila, that’s what you’ll get. It’s called habituation.
Every once in a while, however, the pattern is disrupted. All of a sudden things turn out in surprising new ways and for a short moment the veil of your day-to-day routine is lifted. Maybe you overslept and your whole morning unfolds completely different than on other days. Or, … maybe a volcano erupts and the trip you had been looking forward to for weeks is unexpectedly canceled …
While these are all outside influences, there is yet another way of disrupting your expectations and that is through awareness. If you look into your life and realize that most of your activities are run on auto pilot, you can change some things around and create new and astonishing results. To do this you have to
1. Be aware of your expectations. To change what you are expecting you need to be first aware of your habits. Take a look around in your life and realize how your expectations have secretly turned into ironclad facts.
2. Challenge your expectations. With more awareness come new choices. Once you noticed your expectations, challenge them. Maybe you don’t have to wake up in a grumpy mood every morning? Or, maybe there isn’t a long line at the post office.
3. Watch what unfolds. Once you realize how much power you have in shaping your life, you can consciously use it to create more exciting outcomes. Below, I am sharing a story from my own life about how many years ago I realized that I had created a character (my habitual self) that was utterly boring and how I went about to change it:
Most of us take on a personality when we grow up, a way of being that we think will get us through life unharmed and unscathed. In my case, I had convinced myself that I would do best by being responsible, dependable, and a know-it-all (My sister was considered the cute one, so scoring with my good looks was not an option). With this character I had developed a seriousness that had pervaded my whole being over the years.
This didn’t really bother me until I moved to Austin, TX. Boy, were things different here. People were smiling all day long in a BIG way and my serious mood was most unusual. This was especially noticeable every time I went out to go dancing and to have a good time. While other women were asked to dance all night long, very few men approached me and if they did, it was for only one dance.
I was clueless to why this was happening and started to convince myself that men did not like me very much. At some point I talked to one of my girlfriends about it and she simply told me ‘to lighten up and to be a bit more cheerful’. “Well,” I said, “that’s just not who I am.” “Oh, just fake it then,” she replied. I was puzzled. What was she thinking? How could I fake it? Certainly nobody would buy my act. However, next time out on the town, I tried it. While I was sitting there watching the people on the dance floor I put a big (fake) smile on my face. Sure enough, I was soon asked to dance. I kept smiling 
and I was asked over and over again. I was shocked! Men even told me that I was a lot of fun. They went for it? I couldn’t believe it. But, I kept up my act and over time it became more and more natural. I was actually really enjoying myself and realized that being playful was much more of who I am than my old serious self.
I hope this inspires you to try your luck with a new approach to your expectations in life. Let me know how it goes, I’d love to hear your story.
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Related Posts:
Old Habits Die Hard: Self Coaching in Action
The Power of Attention: How to Add More Ease to Your Life
What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action
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Do you want to find out what lights you up?
Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Babies are full of light. Their whole being is brimming with aliveness, eyes shining with wonder, hearts filled with love.
As babies, we follow our curiosity to explore the world around us. We may fall asleep on the floor regardless whether it is time for a nap or not. We don’t get bored or worried about our future, we just are.
So, what happens? How exactly do we lose our light and that insatiable zest for life? In the following, I am going to describe the steps most of us go through while growing up.
How We Learn to Shut Down
Babies know no boundaries. They are full of life and ready to explore the world around them at full force. If you ever had a toddler flip out at the checkout counter because she did not get what she wanted, you know what I mean! Kids don’t know the rules.
Between the ages of 1-2 the one word a toddler hears the most is ‘no’: No, don’t climb on the counter, don’t open the door, you can’t put that in your mouth, and don’t make a mess with your food.
Rules are important, don’t get me wrong. The tricky part is that while we learn them we lose a little bit of our juice. The magic starts to fade.
We learn to behave, we start to fit in. Soon we find out that loving everybody unconditionally can hurt when people don’t love you back. So, we close off our hearts just a little and love becomes conditional. Going to school is a whole new experience. All of a sudden we have to sit still and find answers to problems. We would much rather run around and experience the world with our senses but now we get conditioned to see the world through our mind. We learn quickly. Knowing the right answer gets rewarded so we get really good at finding out what the teacher wants us to know.
We also learn how to compete. Who has the better grades, who’s the strongest, the fastest, the prettiest, etc. Instead of playing together we start playing against each other. And instead of thinking with curiosity, we learn to think in a linear way: Solutions to problems, answers to questions. And on it goes.
During puberty we don’t ask the really interesting questions because people tend to act just a bit strange when we do. There seems to be something weird about sexuality. So, we shut down our passion and hold back our love.
Finally, around the time we leave school or college, life flips upside down and we enter the world of worries, fear and scarcity. Our strong trust, that everything will turn out well and that life is meant to be enjoyed and savored, vanishes. All of a sudden, we feel scared. What if things don’t turn out? What if we can’t find a job, don’t make enough money, etc?
From that moment on we start to make decisions based on fear rather than trust and life becomes a struggle. We compromise and in the process we become someone we are not.
You Are Not Who You Think You Are
Unless you are brought up in an environment that allows you to explore and to follow your innate curiosity, you will by and by turn into the person you think you should be, someone your environment will approve off. You start bending your character a little, you withhold your passion, tell others what they want to hear, and in general lose sight of who you are and what your unique purpose in life really is.
For the most part, that is how it goes. It is nobody’s fault, it’s how the system is set up. The good news is that in the last few decades things have started to change. More and more people are now designing life styles and businesses that bring out the best in everyone. Collaboration is replacing competition and play is the new work.
Finding out what lights you up and what you are passionate about is an important step on the way.
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In yesterday’s post I showed you initial steps to discover your passion. Today I want to follow up with two exercises that will help you in defining what lights you up even more. You will start to see your unique soul purpose and how to align it with your life and your career.
There is one tricky part in finding your passion: Whatever it is you love doing can come so easy to you that it’s hard to recognize. It may even look like something you should not be doing.
For example: One of my clients, who loves reading romance novels, for some strange reason thought this was not something appropriate to do. She had gotten it into her mind that reading novels was a guilty pleasure. Well, eventually she did admit her passion for juicy romance and today she is a published author of her own!
So, pay close attention to what lights you up and be ready to allow what seems mundane to be your talent!
Exercise One: Brain Dump
Take a notebook and pick a place where you are undisturbed. Get comfortable, relax, and let your thoughts wander. When did you have most fun in your life? What were you doing? Where did you live? Who were you with? Write this down.
How about your current life? What are the things you enjoy most? What would you like to do all the time if you could? Do you like where you live? If not, what would be nicer? What life style do you love? Who are the people you like spending time with? Again, write this down.
Let your imagination run free. If you had a blank canvas and lots of colors, how would you draw your life? Also, notice when you skepticism comes in. Just notice it without giving it much attention. Be careful not to judge or validate your choices. Whatever it is you like gets a go.
Exercise Two: The Pieces of Your Puzzle
Take 20 index cards (or cut up 20 pieces of paper). On each piece write an activity you enjoy doing. If you did your list before, read through it and pick the 20 activities that you love the most. This is what you do when time does not matter, the things you get lost in.
Once you are done, look over the pieces of your puzzle. Which ones fit together naturally? Can you see a pattern? What activities can you turn into a project?
When I did this exercise years ago some of the pieces of my puzzle where: Talking to people, traveling, being social, reading, exploring new cultures, a zest for learning, spending time by the ocean, a love for beauty, shopping, meeting new people, adventure, skiing, being creative, designing.
Looking at the pieces what emerged for me was my love for people and talking to them, my zest for learning, traveling and adventure. I started to pursue those activities more and more, which eventually led me to become a life coach. Today, I am working with people all over the world, learning about their needs and being able to make a lasting difference in their lives. In the process I get to travel, shop, spend time in beautiful places, and live a life of adventure.
Related posts:
Want to Find Your Passion? Here’s What You Can Do
What Lights You Up - Action Steps
What Lights You Up - Coaching Show
Photo Source: Pink Sherbet via Flickr under a Creative Commons Lisence
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In my last post and in yesterday’s coaching interview I introduced what I call the ‘Follow Your Lights’ process. Since not everybody has a coach at their disposal to guide them in finding and following their ‘lights’, I want to show you two things that you can do right now to find out what it is that lights you up.
Take these two action steps:
- Observe yourself: Use observation to find out what you love doing. Watch your body: What are the activities that make you feel good? When do you relax and when do you tighten up? For example, think about one of your most pressing problems and observe what happens to your body. If you want, describe the feelings and sensations in a notebook.
Now, think about something you love doing. This can be anything from sleeping in in the mornings to having a wonderful dinner with your spouse, or watching a sunset over the ocean, etc. What happens to your body now? Do you feel the same or different from when you were thinking about your problem? Again, record your observations.
Next, apply this kind of observation to everything you do in your life. With time you will get a good sense of what activities make you happy and which ones pressure you. These responses are very important in finding answers to your life purpose.
- Have someone else observe you: Observing yourself objectively can be very hard if you are not used to it. An easier way to do this is to have someone else observe you. In coaching I use an interview process to find out what it is a client wants. While they respond to my questions, I observe the responses I get from their bodies: Do they expand and lighten up or do they contract and get more tense? When does a spark enter their eyes, how does their breathing change, etc.
You can do the same thing with a companion or friend. Have them ask you questions and monitor your responses to whether you light up or not. This requires some practice. We are so used to listening to words and thoughts and rarely pay attention to the subtle responses we get from our bodies.
Here are some good questions to ask for this exercise:
- What do you want?
- What are you passionate about?
- What are the things you do in your spare time?
- If money and time did not matter, what would you do?
- What is your desire?
- What do you do when you forget time?
Be aware to use observation rather than interpretation when listening to your body. If you want to get familiar with the process, watch one of the following coaching shows in which I conduct coaching interviews in front of the camera using the ‘Follow Your Lights’ process:
Life Coaching Show with Karin Manske
Life Coaching Show with Karin Manske & Nina Grenningloh
Career Coaching ‘Live’ ~ What Lights You Up?
To watch more interactive online coaching, visit my Coach TV LA Show and send your questions my way.
This interview process is a very effective method in getting clear about what it is you want to do from the bottom of your heart. Good luck!
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