“But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream”
R.E.M
I talked to a friend of mine the other day who had just put in one week at her new corporate job. “It feels like I am losing my freedom every day I walk in there,” she told me. After her first week she felt exhausted, uninspired and beat up. One hour in traffic every afternoon on her way home, 8 hours of working in an office without windows, lit only by fluorescent lights, and a strictly corporate dress code had worn her down. “I was ready to quit after the second day,” she said. “How can I write in an environment like that?” She had been hired as a social media and marketing expert in an industry she had no interest in.
The truth of the matter is that working at that job is not what my friend’s dream is made of. She loves to write and to be creative. She enjoys the freedom of being an entrepreneur and she is a risk taker. However, a steady job sounded so yummy and the regular money was certainly nice, not to mention so much safer.
Can you relate? Is your inner voice telling you to stick with the secure job as well? That you’ll make more money, have greater benefits, enjoy working a regular schedule, etc.? Or, are you convincing yourself that once you have saved up some money and paid down your debt, then you’ll get out?
The crux of the matter is, that most of the time we don’t save up that money. Instead, we get a more expensive apartment, buy a better car, afford nicer furniture, and the time to start living our dream starts slipping away. Because that time is right now.
See, we got it all wrong. We think that selling our soul for a short while won’t hurt and that making a small compromise isn’t that bad. What we don’t notice, however, is that we are losing not only our freedom but also our lives.
In the movie ‘Stop-Loss’, Ryan Phillippe gets sent back to Iraq on the day he was supposed to get out. By law the government has the right to make that choice and send qualified soldiers back to war - even when they have put in their time. After disobeying orders and running away, his dad tells him “Son, you are ruining your life!” To which his mother replies, “Do you think he’s better off getting killed in Iraq?”
Isn’t it true? The constant fear of ‘ruining our lives’ and not living up to the status quo has so many people all tied up trading aliveness for safety instead of taking the risk to live from freedom. It’s a choice we are making every day.
_________________
Photo source: Engin Erdogan via Flickr under a creative commons license
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2010 is upon us!
What better time than the days between Christmas and the New Year to regroup, rethink and redesign. Not only does this time hold promises of possibilities and new beginnings, it also offers an opportunity to sort out your life, start some things anew and reinvent yourself.
In mythology the 12 nights between Christmas and January 6 are called the Holy Nights. People over the ages have used the Earth’s stillness and increased darkness for introspection and meditation.
Take a look at nature. During the winter’s long nights and coldness the Earth has come to a stand-still. Trees have shed their leaves, plants have stopped growing and nature is holding in its breath. Or so it seems. Deep down in the darkness of moist and dirt, however, the Earth is busier than ever getting ready for its renewal in Spring. It is during this period of bleakness on the outside when most inner work is taking place.
Can we use this time to reinvent ourselves as well? Will what we plant now come to fruition in 2010? I like to believe so. Over the years I have come to love and cherish these days between Christmas and the New Year when work is slow, the kids are off from school and our day-to-day routine has come to a halt. I use this time for my yearly inventory and to relax from the outside pressures so I can regroup and re-envision myself.
Here are some of the things I have come to love:
Dare to be still- Allow yourself to do nothing. After the busyness of the last few weeks this may feel strange. Be patient with yourself. It may take your mind and body a little while to unwind. Our outside world offers so much stimulation all day long that it almost seems easier to be busy than to be still. I went to see a movie last night and was surprised how crowded the streets were! If you want to use this time for inside reflection, be aware of life’s many distractions.
Indulge- Get lost in things you love. Do what you normally don’t allow yourself to do. Put the brakes on the ‘work a little harder, do a little more, go the extra mile’ mindset and indulge. This can be anything from keeping your computer turned off for a while, sleeping in till noon, going on long walks, daydreaming, taking hot baths, reading a novel, watching as many movies as you want, etc. Whatever helps you to relax and recharge your batteries will enable you to regain the vision for your life.
Dream- I read at one point that the dreams we have during the 12 nights of Christmas hold insights and answers to our lives most pressing questions. True or not, I love these kinds of myths and use them for reflection. Each morning I take time to remember and write down the dreams I had the night before and see if they trigger something within me. It is a lot of fun. If you like you can look up some of the symbols in a dream dictionary.
Meditate- It is during the months of winter that I meditate. Maybe you are doing this already on a regular basis and I congratulate you! For me meditation does not come easy and I have to consciously schedule it. What has helped me is using Deepak Chopra’s amazing book The Instantaneous Fulfillment of Desire. It offers a guided 7-day meditation as well as ways to select different archetypes that reflect your inner most values and desires. I really love the process and invite you to try it out. It is a great source for insights and healing.
Journal- Write down your dreams. I am a sucker for all things beautiful, so for me this starts with choosing a beautiful journal and a nice pen :). I carry this book with me at all times and write down whatever ideas or revelations I have. You may wake up one morning and see with great clarity who you want to be, where you want to live and what you want to do. Write it down. It’s how I have conjured up many things in my life from jobs to successes, adventures, and even the love of my life!
Collages- We all learn and reflect in different ways. Maybe for you putting together pictures is a fun way of dreaming up your future? You can make a collage for your private life, one for your business, for your relationships, etc. It can be big or small, elaborate or simple. At one point I started a dream book with blank pages (Sketch books are great for this) that I turned into collages one by one. It is an ongoing project and I add a new page every few months. It is fun to watch how the images have changed over the years. In my case from busy to calm and from wild city life to serenity and peacefulness.
Putting it all together- The greatest insights and ideas will turn to nothing if you don’t put them into action. All throughout this time of retrospection and reflection, I also set goals. I keep a big calendar for 2010 and plan out my year according to what inspires me and what projects I want to expand on. For example in 2009 I have been writing on a regular basis and I started to put my coaching expertise into a self-coaching book. In 2010 I want to find more of that writer in my heart and finish my book.
How about you? What do you cherish about this time? I’d love to find out what your rituals are in getting ready for 2010!
_______________________
Are you curious to find out who you want to be in 2010? Join me for a 6-week ‘What Lights You Up’ Coaching Group starting on January 13th!
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“Hysteria is the dominant theme of our society today.” Deepak Chopra
“People are afraid of change and yet the fact is that change is the most dominant theme of our civilization: We have more change in one day than we have in centuries in previous times. People find that this rapid change leads to unpredictability in their lives and this lack of predictability, lack of control, lack of outlets for frustration leads to the anxiety and the angst that you see in our culture today.”
Change creates anxiety and anxiety creates the urge for more control. And yet, trying to keep up is impossible. Did you know that information is doubling at the rate of 100% every two months? Embracing change and letting go is the only way forward.
Since most people are deeply disconnected from their source, this creates unbearable amounts of fear and pain. We are worried sick to lose the very job we hate and quickly follow every hype and scheme that promises relief.
Knowing who you are is key. It leads to a sense of deep trustworthiness and creates the ease and purpose that you need to relax in this world of paradox and complexity.
If you can embrace the fact that you don’t have the answers and that most of what you know is not what’s really going on, you can find a way out. Forget about doing the right thing, don’t worry about being wrong. Do what makes you happy: The one thing that sets you apart and that you do better than anybody else.
The beauty is, there is not one way, one answer, or one road to take. You can create anything, any way you want to. The only requirement is that it makes you happy and that in the long run it will create an income. If it inspires you, it will attract others as well.
It takes courage to leave the beaten path and to follow your own truth. The internet can help you in creating new and innovative business models. Be careful not to get pulled into every hype and stay true to what lights you up. Some of the new online models are still practiced with old business tactics of fear and competition. If this gets you fired up, it’s great. If not, don’t worry, you’ll find what works for you.
Fortunately there are more and more shining lights out there showing what’s possible. Chris Brogan is one of my favorites, his complete sense of service and dedication to his ‘tribe’ being nothing but astounding. Pam Slim is another great example of someone who has found her own voice. I am sure you have your own inspirational role models.
What works for you is you. The thing that turns you on, that brings you joy, and that lets your unique intelligence shine. You are the star. Trust what you love.
I’d love to find out what your thoughts are on the matter.
Rock on!
Related Posts:
Want to Find Your Passion? Two Exercises
What Lights You Up - Coaching Show
Not Sure What to Do With Your Life? Follow Your Light
Photo Source: Notsogoodphotography via Flickr under a Creative Commons Lisence
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In yesterday’s post I showed you initial steps to discover your passion. Today I want to follow up with two exercises that will help you in defining what lights you up even more. You will start to see your unique soul purpose and how to align it with your life and your career.
There is one tricky part in finding your passion: Whatever it is you love doing can come so easy to you that it’s hard to recognize. It may even look like something you should not be doing.
For example: One of my clients, who loves reading romance novels, for some strange reason thought this was not something appropriate to do. She had gotten it into her mind that reading novels was a guilty pleasure. Well, eventually she did admit her passion for juicy romance and today she is a published author of her own!
So, pay close attention to what lights you up and be ready to allow what seems mundane to be your talent!
Exercise One: Brain Dump
Take a notebook and pick a place where you are undisturbed. Get comfortable, relax, and let your thoughts wander. When did you have most fun in your life? What were you doing? Where did you live? Who were you with? Write this down.
How about your current life? What are the things you enjoy most? What would you like to do all the time if you could? Do you like where you live? If not, what would be nicer? What life style do you love? Who are the people you like spending time with? Again, write this down.
Let your imagination run free. If you had a blank canvas and lots of colors, how would you draw your life? Also, notice when you skepticism comes in. Just notice it without giving it much attention. Be careful not to judge or validate your choices. Whatever it is you like gets a go.
Exercise Two: The Pieces of Your Puzzle
Take 20 index cards (or cut up 20 pieces of paper). On each piece write an activity you enjoy doing. If you did your list before, read through it and pick the 20 activities that you love the most. This is what you do when time does not matter, the things you get lost in.
Once you are done, look over the pieces of your puzzle. Which ones fit together naturally? Can you see a pattern? What activities can you turn into a project?
When I did this exercise years ago some of the pieces of my puzzle where: Talking to people, traveling, being social, reading, exploring new cultures, a zest for learning, spending time by the ocean, a love for beauty, shopping, meeting new people, adventure, skiing, being creative, designing.
Looking at the pieces what emerged for me was my love for people and talking to them, my zest for learning, traveling and adventure. I started to pursue those activities more and more, which eventually led me to become a life coach. Today, I am working with people all over the world, learning about their needs and being able to make a lasting difference in their lives. In the process I get to travel, shop, spend time in beautiful places, and live a life of adventure.
Related posts:
Want to Find Your Passion? Here’s What You Can Do
What Lights You Up - Action Steps
What Lights You Up - Coaching Show
Photo Source: Pink Sherbet via Flickr under a Creative Commons Lisence
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In the new economy, and especially if you want to build a fulfilling life for yourself, the emphasis is on
Following Your Passion
Doing What You Love For a Living
Living Your Dream
It’s all great and true when you know what your passion is. What, if you don’t? What if you are clueless about what you want from life, let alone knowing what your dreams or passions are?
When I ask my clients the same question more often than not I get a blank stare and a shrug: “I am really not sure.”
The good news is that this is perfectly fine. There is nothing wrong with you if you don’t have a burning desire or a clear calling to follow. It does not mean that you are not passionate about some things and that you cannot find out what those things are. At this point you just don’t know and that’s all right.
By accepting this fact you already take a lot of the pressure off. In my experience it’s the worries and the expectations that cloud your vision and make it so hard to see your ideal life and career. The more you let go and relax, the clearer you will see what you want.
- Step One: Give yourself permission to explore. Let go of the unrealistic expectation that you have to have all the answers. Embrace the fact that you don’t. It’s a very good place to start.
- Step Two: Foster curiosity. Now that you have permission to explore, get interested in yourself. This may sound strange. We think that we have our best interest at heart but more often than not we don’t. We are hard on ourselves, we push and pressure, we are impatient and we are critical.
Stop treating yourself badly and practice loving appreciation. Embrace your fears and struggles, they are beautiful. You are beautiful and your life wants to work out for you. Your job is to stay out of the way and to feel good about yourself.
- Step Three: Start a journal. This can be your ‘passionate book of secrets’ that only you have access to. I carry a little notebook with me wherever I go, it is my silent companion. In it I write my thoughts and impressions about things that inspire me, love notes to myself, ideas for new businesses, blog posts, things I am grateful for, and about life in general.
I also have a notebook for my worries, fears or considerations. When something really bothers me I take some time out and write down all my thoughts and resentments about that specific issue. When I am done dumping everything onto paper, I either rip up the pages and flush them down the drain or I burn them in a bucket in my garden. It is a very cleansing experience and helps me to get rid of obsessive thoughts.
These are some initial steps to clear your mind and to start the ‘finding your passion’ process. You may observe that your creativity increases and that new ideas and inspirations come forward. If this happens, record the ideas in your journal. Mostly, just give yourself time to relax and to ponder. Trust that things will work out for you and that you, too will find your passion!
In tomorrow’s post I’ll give you next steps and two practical exercises to further help you identify your passions.
Related Posts:
Not Sure What to Do With Your Life? Follow Your Light
What Lights You Up? Action Steps
Career Coaching ‘Live’: What Lights You Up?
Great books on the topic:
The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky
‘Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life’ by Todd Kashdan
Photo Source: kirthaph via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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