2010 is upon us!
What better time than the days between Christmas and the New Year to regroup, rethink and redesign. Not only does this time hold promises of possibilities and new beginnings, it also offers an opportunity to sort out your life, start some things anew and reinvent yourself.
In mythology the 12 nights between Christmas and January 6 are called the Holy Nights. People over the ages have used the Earth’s stillness and increased darkness for introspection and meditation.
Take a look at nature. During the winter’s long nights and coldness the Earth has come to a stand-still. Trees have shed their leaves, plants have stopped growing and nature is holding in its breath. Or so it seems. Deep down in the darkness of moist and dirt, however, the Earth is busier than ever getting ready for its renewal in Spring. It is during this period of bleakness on the outside when most inner work is taking place.
Can we use this time to reinvent ourselves as well? Will what we plant now come to fruition in 2010? I like to believe so. Over the years I have come to love and cherish these days between Christmas and the New Year when work is slow, the kids are off from school and our day-to-day routine has come to a halt. I use this time for my yearly inventory and to relax from the outside pressures so I can regroup and re-envision myself.
Here are some of the things I have come to love:
Dare to be still- Allow yourself to do nothing. After the busyness of the last few weeks this may feel strange. Be patient with yourself. It may take your mind and body a little while to unwind. Our outside world offers so much stimulation all day long that it almost seems easier to be busy than to be still. I went to see a movie last night and was surprised how crowded the streets were! If you want to use this time for inside reflection, be aware of life’s many distractions.
Indulge- Get lost in things you love. Do what you normally don’t allow yourself to do. Put the brakes on the ‘work a little harder, do a little more, go the extra mile’ mindset and indulge. This can be anything from keeping your computer turned off for a while, sleeping in till noon, going on long walks, daydreaming, taking hot baths, reading a novel, watching as many movies as you want, etc. Whatever helps you to relax and recharge your batteries will enable you to regain the vision for your life.
Dream- I read at one point that the dreams we have during the 12 nights of Christmas hold insights and answers to our lives most pressing questions. True or not, I love these kinds of myths and use them for reflection. Each morning I take time to remember and write down the dreams I had the night before and see if they trigger something within me. It is a lot of fun. If you like you can look up some of the symbols in a dream dictionary.
Meditate- It is during the months of winter that I meditate. Maybe you are doing this already on a regular basis and I congratulate you! For me meditation does not come easy and I have to consciously schedule it. What has helped me is using Deepak Chopra’s amazing book The Instantaneous Fulfillment of Desire. It offers a guided 7-day meditation as well as ways to select different archetypes that reflect your inner most values and desires. I really love the process and invite you to try it out. It is a great source for insights and healing.
Journal- Write down your dreams. I am a sucker for all things beautiful, so for me this starts with choosing a beautiful journal and a nice pen :). I carry this book with me at all times and write down whatever ideas or revelations I have. You may wake up one morning and see with great clarity who you want to be, where you want to live and what you want to do. Write it down. It’s how I have conjured up many things in my life from jobs to successes, adventures, and even the love of my life!
Collages- We all learn and reflect in different ways. Maybe for you putting together pictures is a fun way of dreaming up your future? You can make a collage for your private life, one for your business, for your relationships, etc. It can be big or small, elaborate or simple. At one point I started a dream book with blank pages (Sketch books are great for this) that I turned into collages one by one. It is an ongoing project and I add a new page every few months. It is fun to watch how the images have changed over the years. In my case from busy to calm and from wild city life to serenity and peacefulness.
Putting it all together- The greatest insights and ideas will turn to nothing if you don’t put them into action. All throughout this time of retrospection and reflection, I also set goals. I keep a big calendar for 2010 and plan out my year according to what inspires me and what projects I want to expand on. For example in 2009 I have been writing on a regular basis and I started to put my coaching expertise into a self-coaching book. In 2010 I want to find more of that writer in my heart and finish my book.
How about you? What do you cherish about this time? I’d love to find out what your rituals are in getting ready for 2010!
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Are you curious to find out who you want to be in 2010? Join me for a 6-week ‘What Lights You Up’ Coaching Group starting on January 13th!
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If you are a man in a relationship with a woman, you may have experienced this scenario: Your significant other tells you about a problem she’s facing, and, after thinking about it for a moment, you tell her how to handle it. Case closed.
As you probably noticed, it’s not that easy. Women like to talk about problems and men like to solve them. However, women seldom follow the advice they are given.
Why? When women have a problem or are dealing with a confusing situation, we like to talk about it. We are looking for input, and, most likely, we are looking for lots of it.
As women, we like to consider our options and, we may not be looking for a simple one-fits-all answer. Because, well, see, there are so many different ways to approach the issue.
I guess the positive aspect of this behavior is that it helps to minimize the risk of making a bad decision. The downside is, as my husband puts it, that women may get killed before they come up with an answer.
If as a man you are frustrated with our response to your well meant suggestion, rest assured that we don’t mean to upset you. We may just need a little longer to come to a similar conclusion … or drop the issue all together.
Photo Source: beau-foto via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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I read an article on Huffington Post the other day that has been bothering me ever since: What’s Happening to Women’s Happiness by Marcus Buckingham. In the article Buckingham argues that women in the Western world are getting increasingly unhappier (he’s using research data from the past 40 years) while men are getting happier.
Now, I don’t know if Buckingham is using this as a clever marketing strategy to sell his book and seminars on personal development, but according to the data of research and surveys conducted across time and countries, the evidence seems to be there.
I also know that if you take a man and a woman and ask them how happy they are, the man will say he is happier than he really is and the woman will do the opposite. That’s part of how differently we approach the world: Women look for causes within themselves when confronted with an issue, while men will look for causes outside of themselves.
So, if you tell a woman that women all over the world are getting unhappier, she will immediately look inside to find evidence for this, while a man will most likely say “Show me” or, “If that’s true, I know it’s not happening to me.”
After mulling the whole thing over in my own head for a few days I have come to this: It’s not up to someone or anyone to just stroll along with a few smart graphs and statistics to tell us how happy or unhappy we are, it’s up to us. It’s time that we take responsibility for our own happiness.
Do I believe that women lose their happiness when they get older? I think that each of us has to answer that for herself. However, there are a few interesting trends that I have observed in working with women that I want to share with you. These are my initial thoughts on the topic and I’d love to hear what your experiences are.
While most men define themselves by their accomplishment, many women have learned to define themselves by their beauty: Can you see the dilemma right here? While a man’s accomplishments increase when he gets older, a woman’s beauty fades, or let’s say, changes with age.
I think women have a natural affinity for beauty. We like to make things beautiful, look beautiful, help others to look beautiful, etc. Unfortunately, the media, advertising agencies and the fashion industry are ruthlessly taking advantage of this love for beauty by putting it in a competitive context: I received a mailing the other day selling rejuvenation treatments with slogans like ‘Stay Young & Competitive’, ‘Conquer the Competition’ and ‘Move up to Management’.
This obsession with looking young has lead many women to neglect their inner beauty. While looking good on the outside can be a lot of fun, it is devastating if it’s all there is. It will keep us from looking within to find out what it is we deeply love about ourselves: Our gifts, our values and our unique female strengths. Because deep down we all know, there is nothing more attractive than a woman who knows her values and is kind, passionate, and, happy in her own skin.
Another trend I have observed is the lack of community among women: Women relax by communicating with other women (as shown in a landmark UCLA study on friendship among women). Have you ever listened to a group of women happily talking among themselves, laughing, giggling and having a good time? It’s delightful! It’s like listening to the joyful cheers of happy kids playing on the playground.
Women listen in a way that is nurturing and receptive. We comfort each other by telling stories, by laughing, crying and having a community of likeminded friends. A lot of times this is missing in our day-to-day lives and while we are getting more accomplished in our careers, and more competitive with each other, we also lose our connections.
This brings up another point, competition, and how it is hurting women: Competition among women is not in our nature, yet it is something we are doing in all areas of life. For men, competing is part of the game and they do it often and for fun. I overheard two little boys at the beach the other day talking to each other while munching on some sandwiches: “Did you know that Michael Jackson died?” asked one the other. “Yes, I found out the minute he died,” was the response. “And I found out the second he died!”
For women, competing does not come as natural. We like to tell stories and share experiences. When we compete we separate ourselves from other women which leads to isolation, not only in business but also in our private lives. If we start collaborating more, we will be able to build strong connections and help each other in getting what we want.
Maybe it’s time we get more courageous about adapting the existing rules to what we need to be happy. Maybe working hard and being competitive is fun for men, while for women taking breaks, having time to relax and talking to other women is what helps us to recharge our batteries.
How about you? Would your life change if you put happiness first? Dare to try out what works for you and put it into action.
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
Photo Source: Flowereye via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Most people are unhappy with themselves. They are unhappy with their unfulfilled lives, un-nurturing relationships, their dissatisfying jobs. It’s an unhappiness that comes from deep within, from living a life that is basically untrue. People tell me that they don’t know who they are, what their passion is, or how to find meaning in their daily lives.
Yet, the answers to your most essential questions are hidden inside of you. You won’t be able to find them anywhere else. Whatever you see around you is only a reflection of who you are.
The first step in finding your own gifts is to accept where you are now. There is nothing wrong with not knowing, with being confused or even unhappy. Just know that it does not have to stay this way. Next, be brave, explore! Ask yourself some basic questions: If you could do anything and live any way you wanted to, what would you do? What do you yearn for, what are your deepest desires? Who do you really want to be?
If you sense fear creeping in right about now, and if your heart starts beating just a little bit faster, that’s alright. It’s a sign that you are alive and that deep down, you know who you are. You might just be afraid to admit it to yourself.
In his wonderful book “The Alchemist”, Paulo Coelho tells the story of a shepherd boy who leaves his country and his sheep in search for his personal legend. The journey takes him to a distant country and confronts him with many adventures. He discovers his strengths and learns to listen to his heart and when he finally finds his treasure he discovers that it was hidden right where he had started his search: back home with his sheep. While his treasure had been there all along, by looking for it he had found himself.
You may find that the same is true when you start looking for your own greatness: Your gift, your treasure, is already there. To see it you have to let go of your fantasies, the fairy tales and your illusions. It is the ultimate adventure, filled with paradox and mystery. In the end you’ll discover exactly what you have been looking for, however it will be much sweeter, deeper and much richer in experience than you could have ever imagined.
Enjoy the journey. You will make mistakes, fall down, and learn, but you can’t fail. Nobody can take away from you what’s essentially yours, yet nobody can find it for you, either.
Photo Source: Doug88888 via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
If you want to find out more about your unique gifts, take my new ‘What Lights You Up - Life Questionnaire’ and qualify for a free coaching session.
To your dream life!
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Finding your life purpose is not hard. What you do with it is what makes all the difference.
There are multiple ways to find out why you are here. Actually, the blue print of who you are (incl. your major life lessons) is already fully developed 5 month before you are born and imprinted in your fingertips. Whether you consult with a masterful astrologist, astronomer, numerologist, life coach, hand-analyst, intuitive, etc. they will be able to decode your basic life purpose, the weaknesses you are confronted with, your life hurdles and, my personal favorite, your ‘juicy life dilemma’: The one thing you want the most and how you keep it away …
Once you know your personal gifts, a more complex question arises and it is this: How do you translate your unique abilities and talents into your life and work? Let’s say for example your life purpose is to be a passionate and persuasive communicator who loves adventure. There are many different ways to actualize these gifts: You could be a public speaker, a salesman, a writer who travels the world, a politician, even a singer … all different ways to practice your persuasive communication skills. Or, if you are a life coach like myself, you can use your skills to communicate passionately with your clients, persuade them to live a happier life while satisfying your hunger for adventure by traveling the globe teaching a variety of classes.
As you can see, once you know your life purpose, there is a number of ways to pursue it. How do you know which one is your path?
This is where the ability to be sensitive to your needs and to find out what lights you up comes in as a crucial measurement tool.
Your sensory awareness will tell you whether you want to use your passionate communication skills to talk to big crowds, write novels, sing, paint, or other means to express yourself. How? Your system will tell. You will get stimulated, maybe even nervous when you engage in the activities that bring you alive. Your eyes will sparkle when you talk about what you love and your enthusiasm will give it away.
Once you know your calling, explore it! Try out the various possibilities and ways to put it into practice. Make lists, talk to people, take seminars, learn the unique aspects of your gift, and always, always, take an inventory of what brings you alive. If it does not excite you, chances are, you aren’t on the right track.
If you have questions about this, let me know. I’d be happy to help.
You can also take my new ‘What Lights You Up - Survey’ (at the right hand side of this blog) and qualify for a free coaching session.
To your best life!
Photo Source: Ramanathan.Kathiresan via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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