Earlier today when walking home from a meeting in my Santa Monica neighborhood, I saw a group of Mexican workers lying under a big pine tree. Apparently they were on their lunch break, resting, sleeping, or quietly chatting with each other.
Watching them gave me an instant sense of peacefulness and reminded me of the time when I went to high school in Chile. Twice a week we had afternoon classes and spent our lunch break with friends, venturing into nearby stores to buy food, sitting in groups on the school lawn, resting, letting the sun warm us, laughing, and chatting.
Remembering this filled my whole body with warmth and happiness. Being in the company of good friends can provide such a feeling of belonging and safety (In German we call it “Geborgenheit”). It really takes all the fear and loneliness away that at times invades our day-to-day routines of stress and hard work.
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Photo Source: Gwennypics via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Do you have days when you wake up already tired?
Yesterday was one of those days for me. I woke up exhausted, heavy and really felt like doing nothing. I dreaded the thought of starting the work I had laid out for the day, so I decided to completely let go and just follow the flow.
Instead of my morning round on the internet I sat down and relaxed. What did I need? What did my body want? Going back to bed? No, it did not seem like sleeping was the right thing to do, so I decided to go to my favorite yoga class, which I knew was happening that morning. It has wonderful. I followed along with the teacher without pushing my body to do more than it wanted to. By the end of the class I was completely relaxed.
After getting home I checked in with my body again. Surprising, I still wanted to rest more! It was the middle of the day and I thought, what the heck, and laid down to sleep deep and sound for almost an hour. When I woke up I felt more relaxed and happier than I had in a long time.
For the rest of the day I kept following what my body told me to do. It was a wonderful experience. I was at ease with myself and the world. Whenever feelings of guilt came up: “Shouldn’t I be doing more? What about my work?” I just acknowledged - and ignored them. This day was for me.
Interesting enough, while I was taking time out, my work seemed to happen all by itself: I got unexpected requests for coaching and an invitation for lunch with one of my favorite clients. I guess sometimes life works better when you just relax and let go.
If you had the whole day to yourself and you could spend it any way you wanted to, what would you do?
Namaste
Karin
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A few days ago I picked up Deepak Chopra’s new book ‘The Ultimate Happiness Prescription: 7 Keys to Joy and Enlightenment’ and I was delighted to find out that he dedicated one chapter to the practice of listening to your body.
Most of us are masters at listening to our thoughts. We wake up with them in the morning and we go to bed with them at night. The problem with this is that we believe in what we hear. When in fact our thoughts have very little, if nothing, to do with reality. Because most of the stories we make up, about our life and that of others, are not true.
For example: The other day one of my friends called me to apologize for a careless remark she had made at a party and that she thought had left me visibly upset. This had been bothering her for days and in her mind had grown into an issue that she was afraid could harm our friendship. The funny thing was that I could not remember her remark at all, let alone being upset by it. In her mind she had made up this ‘reality’ entirely.
Depending on your thoughts for guiding you through life is very limiting. If, however, you add the skill of listening to your body, now you have two responses to measure reality by. Not only does this offer more choices, it also reconnects you with your body, your senses and ultimately with your soul.
“By believing in your thoughts you create stories, memories and the passing of time … by being present in the moment you create infinity …”
Action Step: Listen to Your Body
For one day, check in with your body any time you experience stress or a disruption. This will require a shift away from your thoughts and it will help you to stay more present with what’s really going on.
Let’s say you start your day off by taking your kids to school (or driving to work). You are leaving the house late and traffic is bad. Instead of getting aggravated, worrying about being late and possibly calling other drivers names, take a step back and tune into your body. What sensations do you feel? Is there a knot in your stomach? Are you sweating, do you experience a tightness in your chest, or in your throat? Try to stay aware of your sensations until they dissipate.
Repeat this exercise throughout your day. Over time, your awareness will increase. You will be able to stay present with your thoughts and with your body, and you will start to recognize when your thoughts are telling you the truth and when they are not.
For example: Imagine you have been wanting to take dance lessons for a long time. Yet, whenever you approach the issue, your mind keeps telling you that you are too busy, that you don’t have a partner, that you are not a good dancer, etc. When listening to your body, however, you notice that the thought of dancing gives you butterflies in your stomach and a tingling feeling of excitement. Do yo see how this can help you in making a choice towards happiness? Who knows, maybe you’ll meet your soul mate while out dancing or you realize that you want to integrate movement into your business.
Hope this helps you in creating a magical life. If you have questions, please email me. I’d love to be of help.
Photo Source: Nao.k via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Most people are so busy to make improvements that they don’t notice that they stepped out of heaven. - Byron Katie
Listening to Byron Katie’s book ‘I Need Your Love - Is That True?” I was reminded of the great paradox, the one that can be so hard to accept: Life isn’t perfect, you are not perfect … and that’s perfect.
You don’t need to change. Pain comes from thinking that you should be different, that things should not be the way they are. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to improve to be your best self.
Start here: Nothing has to change. You are alright now and so is your life.
Relax. Take a deep breath. Enjoy yourself. You are perfect with all your flaws, imperfections, and obsessions.
In her book, Byron Katie says that the quest for finding approval and appreciation from others is what consumes most people all day and every day. It sets in motion hundreds of strategies to win favor, and admiration, or just to please. It’s a constant monitoring to see if we are gaining or losing ground in the approval sweepstakes.
What a strange thing. We put our power and self-love into the hands of others and buy into the idea that unless people approve of us we are worthless. And so we think that we have to change to be loved. The irony is that the struggle to win love makes it very difficult to experience it.
Start having enjoyable conversations with yourself. Laugh about your obsessions and let yourself be amused by your worries and fears. Life is here to support you, it want’s to work out. Start to understand that your imperfections are perfect and so are the imperfections of the people around you.
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Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Photo Source: lepiaf.geo via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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It’s that time of year again and while preparing for Christmas, I couldn’t help but think that the most precious gift we can give to each other is to live our lives with an open heart.
Happiness is a skill we are all born with. Keeping it alive in a society that values achievements, good grades and winning over personal connections and joy, is sometimes not so easy.
As kids our hearts are vibrant and our experiences immediate. If we hurt we cry, if we are angry we scream. I remember how my son told me once that he had locked himself up in a bathroom to cry for an hour because he had so much pain in his heart. He was directing a group of performers at the time and didn’t think anything of it. He felt pressure in his heart and he dealt with it. He was young.
When was the last time you did that?
How do you make your heart glow again?
When your heart is heavy, life seems dull. Judging others and secretly blaming them for what’s happening in your life has become a habit that tightened your senses. You may think this is normal, but honestly, has it always been this way? Can you remember times when you were light and full of joy?
If you want to rekindle your happiness you need to find ways to relax your heart. Being aware of the numbness that has taken hold of you is the first step. Most likely you haven’t even noticed how heaviness crept in; it happened slowly and while you learned to toughen up, worked hard, and got things done, you stopped feeling life.
The good news is that you can learn how to be happy again. It is after all your natural state. Below are a few exercises that can help you in waking up to the ecstasy of being alive:
Allow yourself to cry. Crying is a great way of letting go of the pressures in your body. Stop holding back and go for it: Read a sad book, watch a sad movie and let your feelings flow: Ahh, this is good!
Be aware of your thoughts. They naturally want to tell you that it’s someone’s fault that you are unhappy, that it must have some deep and dirty reason, however, it doesn’t. Cry without attachment or drama. This may take some practice but ultimately it’s a great relief. You can be unhappy (or happy) for no reason.
Practice forgiveness. Feelings of empathy and forgiveness make your heart soft. Holding back your love hurts. Realize how you actively engage in acts of revenge and start practicing forgiveness. Hitting back may feel good at the moment but it will keep you alone and isolated in the long run. If it’s meant to hurt, it will hurt you first.
Write down the arguments you are nursing in your mind. Do they open your heart? Are they creating deeper and more intimate connections? Given the choice, pick forgiveness over revenge any time. Be gentle with yourself and acknowledge every little success along the way.
Let things go and move on … Dwelling on past events, especially painful ones, keeps them fresh and alive. Practice to let things go that you can’t do anything about. This takes concentration. Complaining and blaming are habits that die hard. Angelina Jolie said in an interview once: “I don’t believe in regrets. It’s a dangerous habit to get into — it makes you pause in your life if you start thinking back and questioning yourself.”
Surround yourself with light hearted people. Have you ever noticed that laughing comes easier with some people than others? Find people that inspire you and that light you up. Stop complaining about your life and don’t allow others to complain about theirs. Kids are bundles of love. If you have kids, spend time with them and drink in their energy. Be careful to keep their lights on.
What has made the biggest difference in my own life have been people who believed in my sweetness rather than my shortcomings. Practice the act of loving attention with yourself and others. Believing in your own goodness and the goodness of the people around you will make the biggest difference and will ultimately let you feel life again with all it’s depth and glory.
Good luck on your journey and Merry Christmas!
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Photo Source: lepiaf.geo via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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