“But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream”
R.E.M
I talked to a friend of mine the other day who had just put in one week at her new corporate job. “It feels like I am losing my freedom every day I walk in there,” she told me. After her first week she felt exhausted, uninspired and beat up. One hour in traffic every afternoon on her way home, 8 hours of working in an office without windows, lit only by fluorescent lights, and a strictly corporate dress code had worn her down. “I was ready to quit after the second day,” she said. “How can I write in an environment like that?” She had been hired as a social media and marketing expert in an industry she had no interest in.
The truth of the matter is that working at that job is not what my friend’s dream is made of. She loves to write and to be creative. She enjoys the freedom of being an entrepreneur and she is a risk taker. However, a steady job sounded so yummy and the regular money was certainly nice, not to mention so much safer.
Can you relate? Is your inner voice telling you to stick with the secure job as well? That you’ll make more money, have greater benefits, enjoy working a regular schedule, etc.? Or, are you convincing yourself that once you have saved up some money and paid down your debt, then you’ll get out?
The crux of the matter is, that most of the time we don’t save up that money. Instead, we get a more expensive apartment, buy a better car, afford nicer furniture, and the time to start living our dream starts slipping away. Because that time is right now.
See, we got it all wrong. We think that selling our soul for a short while won’t hurt and that making a small compromise isn’t that bad. What we don’t notice, however, is that we are losing not only our freedom but also our lives.
In the movie ‘Stop-Loss’, Ryan Phillippe gets sent back to Iraq on the day he was supposed to get out. By law the government has the right to make that choice and send qualified soldiers back to war - even when they have put in their time. After disobeying orders and running away, his dad tells him “Son, you are ruining your life!” To which his mother replies, “Do you think he’s better off getting killed in Iraq?”
Isn’t it true? The constant fear of ‘ruining our lives’ and not living up to the status quo has so many people all tied up trading aliveness for safety instead of taking the risk to live from freedom. It’s a choice we are making every day.
What better time than the days between Christmas and the New Year to regroup, rethink and redesign. Not only does this time hold promises of possibilities and new beginnings, it also offers an opportunity to sort out your life, start some things anew and reinvent yourself.
In mythology the 12 nights between Christmas and January 6 are called the Holy Nights. People over the ages have used the Earth’s stillness and increased darkness for introspection and meditation.
Take a look at nature. During the winter’s long nights and coldness the Earth has come to a stand-still. Trees have shed their leaves, plants have stopped growing and nature is holding in its breath. Or so it seems. Deep down in the darkness of moist and dirt, however, the Earth is busier than ever getting ready for its renewal in Spring. It is during this period of bleakness on the outside when most inner work is taking place.
Can we use this time to reinvent ourselves as well? Will what we plant now come to fruition in 2010? I like to believe so. Over the years I have come to love and cherish these days between Christmas and the New Year when work is slow, the kids are off from school and our day-to-day routine has come to a halt. I use this time for my yearly inventory and to relax from the outside pressures so I can regroup and re-envision myself.
Here are some of the things I have come to love:
Dare to be still- Allow yourself to do nothing. After the busyness of the last few weeks this may feel strange. Be patient with yourself. It may take your mind and body a little while to unwind. Our outside world offers so much stimulation all day long that it almost seems easier to be busy than to be still. I went to see a movie last night and was surprised how crowded the streets were! If you want to use this time for inside reflection, be aware of life’s many distractions.
Indulge- Get lost in things you love. Do what you normally don’t allow yourself to do. Put the brakes on the ‘work a little harder, do a little more, go the extra mile’ mindset and indulge. This can be anything from keeping your computer turned off for a while, sleeping in till noon, going on long walks, daydreaming, taking hot baths, reading a novel, watching as many movies as you want, etc. Whatever helps you to relax and recharge your batteries will enable you to regain the vision for your life.
Dream- I read at one point that the dreams we have during the 12 nights of Christmas hold insights and answers to our lives most pressing questions. True or not, I love these kinds of myths and use them for reflection. Each morning I take time to remember and write down the dreams I had the night before and see if they trigger something within me. It is a lot of fun. If you like you can look up some of the symbols in a dream dictionary.
Meditate- It is during the months of winter that I meditate. Maybe you are doing this already on a regular basis and I congratulate you! For me meditation does not come easy and I have to consciously schedule it. What has helped me is using Deepak Chopra’s amazing book The Instantaneous Fulfillment of Desire. It offers a guided 7-day meditation as well as ways to select different archetypes that reflect your inner most values and desires. I really love the process and invite you to try it out. It is a great source for insights and healing.
Journal- Write down your dreams. I am a sucker for all things beautiful, so for me this starts with choosing a beautiful journal and a nice pen :). I carry this book with me at all times and write down whatever ideas or revelations I have. You may wake up one morning and see with great clarity who you want to be, where you want to live and what you want to do. Write it down. It’s how I have conjured up many things in my life from jobs to successes, adventures, and even the love of my life!
Collages- We all learn and reflect in different ways. Maybe for you putting together pictures is a fun way of dreaming up your future? You can make a collage for your private life, one for your business, for your relationships, etc. It can be big or small, elaborate or simple. At one point I started a dream book with blank pages (Sketch books are great for this) that I turned into collages one by one. It is an ongoing project and I add a new page every few months. It is fun to watch how the images have changed over the years. In my case from busy to calm and from wild city life to serenity and peacefulness.
Putting it all together- The greatest insights and ideas will turn to nothing if you don’t put them into action. All throughout this time of retrospection and reflection, I also set goals. I keep a big calendar for 2010 and plan out my year according to what inspires me and what projects I want to expand on. For example in 2009 I have been writing on a regular basis and I started to put my coaching expertise into a self-coaching book. In 2010 I want to find more of that writer in my heart and finish my book.
How about you? What do you cherish about this time? I’d love to find out what your rituals are in getting ready for 2010!
Sometimes what we want is not what we need to be happy.
A few years ago a client came to me and told me that what she wanted most was a relationship. She was very successful in running her own business and somehow the romance department had been taking a back seat.
After starting to work with her, one thing got very clear very fast: It was not the prospect of being in a relationship that excited her but the idea of taking a break from her business. She had been working in a high pressured industry for many years and was exhausted. As many of us would do in a similar situation, she was looking for relief and having a relationship seemed like a good distraction from the pressures she was experiencing.
What she didn’t realize was that not having a man in her life wasn’t causing the stress. Her business was.
Now I was curious to find out what she really wanted. From experience I knew that there was something that would bring the spark back into her life and most likely it was not what she thought it was.
After probing her with a few questions I finally asked, “If you could do anything at all, regardless of your business or your life right now, what would you do?”
She took a deep breath and said “I would spend some of my time in Europe.” Bang! She looked at me with some hesitation and a lot of curiosity. Would I buy it, or would I tell her what she had been telling herself, that this was not a good idea?
“Tell me more,” I asked and it was the beginning of her new life. She started talking about what really mattered to her: Spending more time away from her business and doing some of the things she loved.
The next day she booked her ticket to Europe. She stayed for two weeks and went back four more times during that year. And, what was most astonishing to her, her business kept thriving. On one of her flights back to LA she met her present husband, a wonderful man from Europe who happens to live in Southern California.
Life goes in mysterious ways once we let it.
Action Step: To find out what it is you want (or need), pay attention to what brings you alive! Instead of looking for answers in your head, look for what lights you up. In my experience, it works every time. Your subconscious knows what you need to be happy. Trust it.
“Hysteria is the dominant theme of our society today.” Deepak Chopra
“People are afraid of change and yet the fact is that change is the most dominant theme of our civilization: We have more change in one day than we have in centuries in previous times. People find that this rapid change leads to unpredictability in their lives and this lack of predictability, lack of control, lack of outlets for frustration leads to the anxiety and the angst that you see in our culture today.”
Change creates anxiety and anxiety creates the urge for more control. And yet, trying to keep up is impossible. Did you know that information is doubling at the rate of 100% every two months? Embracing change and letting go is the only way forward.
Since most people are deeply disconnected from their source, this creates unbearable amounts of fear and pain. We are worried sick to lose the very job we hate and quickly follow every hype and scheme that promises relief.
Knowing who you are is key. It leads to a sense of deep trustworthiness and creates the ease and purpose that you need to relax in this world of paradox and complexity.
If you can embrace the fact that you don’t have the answers and that most of what you know is not what’s really going on, you can find a way out. Forget about doing the right thing, don’t worry about being wrong. Do what makes you happy: The one thing that sets you apart and that you do better than anybody else.
The beauty is, there is not one way, one answer, or one road to take. You can create anything, any way you want to. The only requirement is that it makes you happy and that in the long run it will create an income. If it inspires you, it will attract others as well.
It takes courage to leave the beaten path and to follow your own truth. The internet can help you in creating new and innovative business models. Be careful not to get pulled into every hype and stay true to what lights you up. Some of the new online models are still practiced with old business tactics of fear and competition. If this gets you fired up, it’s great. If not, don’t worry, you’ll find what works for you.
Fortunately there are more and more shining lights out there showing what’s possible. Chris Brogan is one of my favorites, his complete sense of service and dedication to his ‘tribe’ being nothing but astounding. Pam Slim is another great example of someone who has found her own voice. I am sure you have your own inspirational role models.
What works for you is you. The thing that turns you on, that brings you joy, and that lets your unique intelligence shine. You are the star. Trust what you love.
I’d love to find out what your thoughts are on the matter.
“But that was just a dream
