16 years ago I did something brave. I sold my furniture, put my belongings into boxes, bought 3 big suitcases, 3 airline tickets, and, on the eve of a new year, boarded a plane to Hawaii with my two little children. I was following my dream.
It was a big step. After our initial weeks in Maui, I set up my business in Texas, later California, to do what I love best, working with people and their lives.
Over the years many people have asked me how I had the courage to just pack up and leave my old life behind. Often they go on telling me that that’s what they want to do too, find their dream and pursue it. Very few, however, listen when I tell them how I did it.
If you are interest in following your dream and would like to find out how, I am listing the steps I took below. Maybe they serve you as a starting point for your own journey. If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section.
- Find your dream
The first step in following your dream, naturally, is to have a dream and one of the most effective ways I know how to find it is by following your aliveness. While this can be a process that takes days, weeks or even months, I encourage you to take your time and not to rush the process. The better you know what it is you want, the easier it is to get it. I recommend that you hire a life coach or work with a close friend who can help you in gaining clarity about your unique gifts, talents, and your life purpose. To give you some initial support, I am listing a few blog posts that I have written on the topic. Also, feel free to take the ‘What Lights You Up?’ life questionnaire. It is an invaluable source in helping you to get some answers.
- Find someone who believes in you
Once you found your dream, you need someone who believes in it - and in you - more than you do. Most of us don’t see ourselves for who we really are. We can’t see our brilliance and we don’t trust our talents. If you want to go beyond, you need to find someone who does.
For me that person was my mentor and coach Martin Sage. He saw something in me that I could not see at the time. I trusted his vision and followed his insights and advice. I knew that left to my own devices I would create what I knew already. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different outcomes, I needed new input and in Martin I had found a mentor who inspired me to create a life beyond my wildest imagination.
- Have a support team
To follow through on your dream and to stay on track with your goals you need a support team. These can be friends, colleagues and family members who have your back. They are the ones who make sure you do what you set out to do and who keep you accountable during the moments when you want to back out. Because those moments will come. Doubts will arise, fears will kick in, and you will wonder what the hell you thought you were doing. That’s when you need your team to keep telling you that you can do it. Because you can.
- Find the people who are doing what you want to do
Whatever your dream is, someone out there is already doing it. Find them and learn from them. When I started out as a coach I looked for the best coaches and followed them around. If you want to become a writer, you have to read and study writers. If you want to become an actor, you have to find out all there is about acting, study movies, find actors you can learn from, and go where they are.
This is one of the tests to find out if your dream is for real. If you don’t care about learning your skill, if researching and studying your industry does not inspire you, it may not be the right dream for you.
- Serve the people you want to learn from
Once you found the people you want to learn from, serve them. As a young person I was interested in learning about health, nutrition and entrepreneurship. So, I went to my local health food store in Berlin and asked if they needed any extra help. They did and I ended up working there during every spare minute I got aside from my ‘real’ job. At first, I was not paid for my work but eventually the store was able to bring me on as one of the managers. Not only did I learn about eating healthy, I also got my first hands-on training on how to run a successful business.
Later, when I was learning to become a coach, I helped and assisted my mentors with setting up seminars, I organized and sat in on private sessions, and I worked as a co-trainer. While these gigs were rarely paid they gave me invaluable insights into the craft of coaching and helped me to forge my skills.
Tip: During this time of learning and mastering your craft watch out for the “what’s in it for me” trap. The minute you care about yourself more than the process, you’ll stop learning.
- Don’t have a back-up plan
You may have heard the story of a great warrior who upon arriving at his enemies shores burnt all his ships behind him, leaving him and his troops with no escape. His men knew that they had only two choices, win or perish. They won.
The same maybe true for you. If you have a leash or a safety net, chances are that you will give up and ‘go home’, back to what’s safe for you. In my case, I had the resources to build my business in the US and to survive for 4 - 5 months. And I knew that after that time I had to make enough money to support myself and my kids. I did.
Finally, the last and most important step of all is to get moving. No matter where you are right now, whether you know your dream or not, have all the resources, a support team, a mentor or not, take action. Make a phone call, talk to a friend, hire a coach and start the ball rolling. That’s the beginning of your dream.
Good luck!
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Related Posts:
Not Sure What You Want to Do With Your Life? Follow Your Light
What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action
Your Most Wonderful Gifts are Hidden Inside You
In Times of Change - Trust What You Love
It’s Easy to Forget Who You Are
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Photo Source: Marina via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Earlier today when walking home from a meeting in my Santa Monica neighborhood, I saw a group of Mexican workers lying under a big pine tree. Apparently they were on their lunch break, resting, sleeping, or quietly chatting with each other.
Watching them gave me an instant sense of peacefulness and reminded me of the time when I went to high school in Chile. Twice a week we had afternoon classes and spent our lunch break with friends, venturing into nearby stores to buy food, sitting in groups on the school lawn, resting, letting the sun warm us, laughing, and chatting.
Remembering this filled my whole body with warmth and happiness. Being in the company of good friends can provide such a feeling of belonging and safety (In German we call it “Geborgenheit”). It really takes all the fear and loneliness away that at times invades our day-to-day routines of stress and hard work.
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Photo Source: Gwennypics via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Most women, myself no exception, are spoiled brats. We have gotten used to getting our way by looking sexy, wiggling our hips, and pretty much just by being a woman. We have also gotten used to pouting, crying, throwing tantrums or having a mood if we don’t get what we want.
This would not be a problem if it worked in our relationships, but it doesn’t. If I throw a fit with one of my girlfriends, chances are she waits until I am done and then she’ll ask what’s going on.
With men, this does not work. Never, ever, EVER! Throwing fits and having moods is the fastest way to drive your man insane and to ruin your relationship. Most women know this and still have a hard time accepting it and changing their “Why can’t a man just be like a girl? or, “I have a mood, there is nothing I can do about it.” attitude.
Because we get away with it. There are no ‘visible’ consequences. Or so we think. The truth is far from it. The consequences may be subtle but they have an enormous impact. They cost women aliveness, money, friendships, intimacy, and beauty.
Yes, every fit you throw will make you look more exhausted, angry and disappointed. We metabolize our emotions. If you take a look and study the faces of the women around you, you’ll see what I am talking about.
Now, the thing that can stop you from engaging and wallowing in your moods or tantrums is a game, a cause, or a business that’s exciting and worth playing. Also, having friends and activities that bring you joy will relax you and make you feel good about yourself. Girl talk is important and having nurturing friendships with other women will help you to keep your calm in the ups and downs of life.
What’s your experience? I’d love to find out how you have been able to let go of the drama in your life and live with passion and joy.
Namaste,
Karin
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Photo Source: Duncan via Flickr under a Creative Commons License. The picture is called “How to Pout Properly.”
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Related Posts:
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women
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Do you have days when you wake up already tired?
Yesterday was one of those days for me. I woke up exhausted, heavy and really felt like doing nothing. I dreaded the thought of starting the work I had laid out for the day, so I decided to completely let go and just follow the flow.
Instead of my morning round on the internet I sat down and relaxed. What did I need? What did my body want? Going back to bed? No, it did not seem like sleeping was the right thing to do, so I decided to go to my favorite yoga class, which I knew was happening that morning. It has wonderful. I followed along with the teacher without pushing my body to do more than it wanted to. By the end of the class I was completely relaxed.
After getting home I checked in with my body again. Surprising, I still wanted to rest more! It was the middle of the day and I thought, what the heck, and laid down to sleep deep and sound for almost an hour. When I woke up I felt more relaxed and happier than I had in a long time.
For the rest of the day I kept following what my body told me to do. It was a wonderful experience. I was at ease with myself and the world. Whenever feelings of guilt came up: “Shouldn’t I be doing more? What about my work?” I just acknowledged - and ignored them. This day was for me.
Interesting enough, while I was taking time out, my work seemed to happen all by itself: I got unexpected requests for coaching and an invitation for lunch with one of my favorite clients. I guess sometimes life works better when you just relax and let go.
If you had the whole day to yourself and you could spend it any way you wanted to, what would you do?
Namaste
Karin
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Most things in life happen because we expect them to. You expect to feel a certain way when you wake up in the morning and most likely you will. You anticipate a line at the post office when you go to drop off a letter and, voila, that’s what you’ll get. It’s called habituation.
Every once in a while, however, the pattern is disrupted. All of a sudden things turn out in surprising new ways and for a short moment the veil of your day-to-day routine is lifted. Maybe you overslept and your whole morning unfolds completely different than on other days. Or, … maybe a volcano erupts and the trip you had been looking forward to for weeks is unexpectedly canceled …
While these are all outside influences, there is yet another way of disrupting your expectations and that is through awareness. If you look into your life and realize that most of your activities are run on auto pilot, you can change some things around and create new and astonishing results. To do this you have to
1. Be aware of your expectations. To change what you are expecting you need to be first aware of your habits. Take a look around in your life and realize how your expectations have secretly turned into ironclad facts.
2. Challenge your expectations. With more awareness come new choices. Once you noticed your expectations, challenge them. Maybe you don’t have to wake up in a grumpy mood every morning? Or, maybe there isn’t a long line at the post office.
3. Watch what unfolds. Once you realize how much power you have in shaping your life, you can consciously use it to create more exciting outcomes. Below, I am sharing a story from my own life about how many years ago I realized that I had created a character (my habitual self) that was utterly boring and how I went about to change it:
Most of us take on a personality when we grow up, a way of being that we think will get us through life unharmed and unscathed. In my case, I had convinced myself that I would do best by being responsible, dependable, and a know-it-all (My sister was considered the cute one, so scoring with my good looks was not an option). With this character I had developed a seriousness that had pervaded my whole being over the years.
This didn’t really bother me until I moved to Austin, TX. Boy, were things different here. People were smiling all day long in a BIG way and my serious mood was most unusual. This was especially noticeable every time I went out to go dancing and to have a good time. While other women were asked to dance all night long, very few men approached me and if they did, it was for only one dance.
I was clueless to why this was happening and started to convince myself that men did not like me very much. At some point I talked to one of my girlfriends about it and she simply told me ‘to lighten up and to be a bit more cheerful’. “Well,” I said, “that’s just not who I am.” “Oh, just fake it then,” she replied. I was puzzled. What was she thinking? How could I fake it? Certainly nobody would buy my act. However, next time out on the town, I tried it. While I was sitting there watching the people on the dance floor I put a big (fake) smile on my face. Sure enough, I was soon asked to dance. I kept smiling 
and I was asked over and over again. I was shocked! Men even told me that I was a lot of fun. They went for it? I couldn’t believe it. But, I kept up my act and over time it became more and more natural. I was actually really enjoying myself and realized that being playful was much more of who I am than my old serious self.
I hope this inspires you to try your luck with a new approach to your expectations in life. Let me know how it goes, I’d love to hear your story.
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Related Posts:
Old Habits Die Hard: Self Coaching in Action
The Power of Attention: How to Add More Ease to Your Life
What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action
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Do you want to find out what lights you up?
Take our ‘What Lights You Up - Questionnaire’
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Photo Source: Nifty via Flicker under a Creative Commons License
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