16 years ago I did something brave. I sold my furniture, put my belongings into boxes, bought 3 big suitcases, 3 airline tickets, and, on the eve of a new year, boarded a plane to Hawaii with my two little children. I was following my dream.
It was a big step. After our initial weeks in Maui, I set up my business in Texas, later California, to do what I love best, working with people and their lives.
Over the years many people have asked me how I had the courage to just pack up and leave my old life behind. Often they go on telling me that that’s what they want to do too, find their dream and pursue it. Very few, however, listen when I tell them how I did it.
If you are interest in following your dream and would like to find out how, I am listing the steps I took below. Maybe they serve you as a starting point for your own journey. If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the comments section.
- Find your dream
The first step in following your dream, naturally, is to have a dream and one of the most effective ways I know how to find it is by following your aliveness. While this can be a process that takes days, weeks or even months, I encourage you to take your time and not to rush the process. The better you know what it is you want, the easier it is to get it. I recommend that you hire a life coach or work with a close friend who can help you in gaining clarity about your unique gifts, talents, and your life purpose. To give you some initial support, I am listing a few blog posts that I have written on the topic. Also, feel free to take the ‘What Lights You Up?’ life questionnaire. It is an invaluable source in helping you to get some answers.
- Find someone who believes in you
Once you found your dream, you need someone who believes in it - and in you - more than you do. Most of us don’t see ourselves for who we really are. We can’t see our brilliance and we don’t trust our talents. If you want to go beyond, you need to find someone who does.
For me that person was my mentor and coach Martin Sage. He saw something in me that I could not see at the time. I trusted his vision and followed his insights and advice. I knew that left to my own devices I would create what I knew already. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different outcomes, I needed new input and in Martin I had found a mentor who inspired me to create a life beyond my wildest imagination.
- Have a support team
To follow through on your dream and to stay on track with your goals you need a support team. These can be friends, colleagues and family members who have your back. They are the ones who make sure you do what you set out to do and who keep you accountable during the moments when you want to back out. Because those moments will come. Doubts will arise, fears will kick in, and you will wonder what the hell you thought you were doing. That’s when you need your team to keep telling you that you can do it. Because you can.
- Find the people who are doing what you want to do
Whatever your dream is, someone out there is already doing it. Find them and learn from them. When I started out as a coach I looked for the best coaches and followed them around. If you want to become a writer, you have to read and study writers. If you want to become an actor, you have to find out all there is about acting, study movies, find actors you can learn from, and go where they are.
This is one of the tests to find out if your dream is for real. If you don’t care about learning your skill, if researching and studying your industry does not inspire you, it may not be the right dream for you.
- Serve the people you want to learn from
Once you found the people you want to learn from, serve them. As a young person I was interested in learning about health, nutrition and entrepreneurship. So, I went to my local health food store in Berlin and asked if they needed any extra help. They did and I ended up working there during every spare minute I got aside from my ‘real’ job. At first, I was not paid for my work but eventually the store was able to bring me on as one of the managers. Not only did I learn about eating healthy, I also got my first hands-on training on how to run a successful business.
Later, when I was learning to become a coach, I helped and assisted my mentors with setting up seminars, I organized and sat in on private sessions, and I worked as a co-trainer. While these gigs were rarely paid they gave me invaluable insights into the craft of coaching and helped me to forge my skills.
Tip: During this time of learning and mastering your craft watch out for the “what’s in it for me” trap. The minute you care about yourself more than the process, you’ll stop learning.
- Don’t have a back-up plan
You may have heard the story of a great warrior who upon arriving at his enemies shores burnt all his ships behind him, leaving him and his troops with no escape. His men knew that they had only two choices, win or perish. They won.
The same maybe true for you. If you have a leash or a safety net, chances are that you will give up and ‘go home’, back to what’s safe for you. In my case, I had the resources to build my business in the US and to survive for 4 - 5 months. And I knew that after that time I had to make enough money to support myself and my kids. I did.
Finally, the last and most important step of all is to get moving. No matter where you are right now, whether you know your dream or not, have all the resources, a support team, a mentor or not, take action. Make a phone call, talk to a friend, hire a coach and start the ball rolling. That’s the beginning of your dream.
Good luck!
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Related Posts:
Not Sure What You Want to Do With Your Life? Follow Your Light
What Lights You Up? Life Coaching in Action
Your Most Wonderful Gifts are Hidden Inside You
In Times of Change - Trust What You Love
It’s Easy to Forget Who You Are
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Photo Source: Marina via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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“But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream”
R.E.M
I talked to a friend of mine the other day who had just put in one week at her new corporate job. “It feels like I am losing my freedom every day I walk in there,” she told me. After her first week she felt exhausted, uninspired and beat up. One hour in traffic every afternoon on her way home, 8 hours of working in an office without windows, lit only by fluorescent lights, and a strictly corporate dress code had worn her down. “I was ready to quit after the second day,” she said. “How can I write in an environment like that?” She had been hired as a social media and marketing expert in an industry she had no interest in.
The truth of the matter is that working at that job is not what my friend’s dream is made of. She loves to write and to be creative. She enjoys the freedom of being an entrepreneur and she is a risk taker. However, a steady job sounded so yummy and the regular money was certainly nice, not to mention so much safer.
Can you relate? Is your inner voice telling you to stick with the secure job as well? That you’ll make more money, have greater benefits, enjoy working a regular schedule, etc.? Or, are you convincing yourself that once you have saved up some money and paid down your debt, then you’ll get out?
The crux of the matter is, that most of the time we don’t save up that money. Instead, we get a more expensive apartment, buy a better car, afford nicer furniture, and the time to start living our dream starts slipping away. Because that time is right now.
See, we got it all wrong. We think that selling our soul for a short while won’t hurt and that making a small compromise isn’t that bad. What we don’t notice, however, is that we are losing not only our freedom but also our lives.
In the movie ‘Stop-Loss’, Ryan Phillippe gets sent back to Iraq on the day he was supposed to get out. By law the government has the right to make that choice and send qualified soldiers back to war - even when they have put in their time. After disobeying orders and running away, his dad tells him “Son, you are ruining your life!” To which his mother replies, “Do you think he’s better off getting killed in Iraq?”
Isn’t it true? The constant fear of ‘ruining our lives’ and not living up to the status quo has so many people all tied up trading aliveness for safety instead of taking the risk to live from freedom. It’s a choice we are making every day.
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Photo source: Engin Erdogan via Flickr under a creative commons license
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Earlier today when walking home from a meeting in my Santa Monica neighborhood, I saw a group of Mexican workers lying under a big pine tree. Apparently they were on their lunch break, resting, sleeping, or quietly chatting with each other.
Watching them gave me an instant sense of peacefulness and reminded me of the time when I went to high school in Chile. Twice a week we had afternoon classes and spent our lunch break with friends, venturing into nearby stores to buy food, sitting in groups on the school lawn, resting, letting the sun warm us, laughing, and chatting.
Remembering this filled my whole body with warmth and happiness. Being in the company of good friends can provide such a feeling of belonging and safety (In German we call it “Geborgenheit”). It really takes all the fear and loneliness away that at times invades our day-to-day routines of stress and hard work.
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Photo Source: Gwennypics via Flickr under a Creative Commons License
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Most women, myself no exception, are spoiled brats. We have gotten used to getting our way by looking sexy, wiggling our hips, and pretty much just by being a woman. We have also gotten used to pouting, crying, throwing tantrums or having a mood if we don’t get what we want.
This would not be a problem if it worked in our relationships, but it doesn’t. If I throw a fit with one of my girlfriends, chances are she waits until I am done and then she’ll ask what’s going on.
With men, this does not work. Never, ever, EVER! Throwing fits and having moods is the fastest way to drive your man insane and to ruin your relationship. Most women know this and still have a hard time accepting it and changing their “Why can’t a man just be like a girl? or, “I have a mood, there is nothing I can do about it.” attitude.
Because we get away with it. There are no ‘visible’ consequences. Or so we think. The truth is far from it. The consequences may be subtle but they have an enormous impact. They cost women aliveness, money, friendships, intimacy, and beauty.
Yes, every fit you throw will make you look more exhausted, angry and disappointed. We metabolize our emotions. If you take a look and study the faces of the women around you, you’ll see what I am talking about.
Now, the thing that can stop you from engaging and wallowing in your moods or tantrums is a game, a cause, or a business that’s exciting and worth playing. Also, having friends and activities that bring you joy will relax you and make you feel good about yourself. Girl talk is important and having nurturing friendships with other women will help you to keep your calm in the ups and downs of life.
What’s your experience? I’d love to find out how you have been able to let go of the drama in your life and live with passion and joy.
Namaste,
Karin
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Photo Source: Duncan via Flickr under a Creative Commons License. The picture is called “How to Pout Properly.”
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Related Posts:
10 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships With Men
Mistakes Men Make in Relationships With Women
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Do you have days when you wake up already tired?
Yesterday was one of those days for me. I woke up exhausted, heavy and really felt like doing nothing. I dreaded the thought of starting the work I had laid out for the day, so I decided to completely let go and just follow the flow.
Instead of my morning round on the internet I sat down and relaxed. What did I need? What did my body want? Going back to bed? No, it did not seem like sleeping was the right thing to do, so I decided to go to my favorite yoga class, which I knew was happening that morning. It has wonderful. I followed along with the teacher without pushing my body to do more than it wanted to. By the end of the class I was completely relaxed.
After getting home I checked in with my body again. Surprising, I still wanted to rest more! It was the middle of the day and I thought, what the heck, and laid down to sleep deep and sound for almost an hour. When I woke up I felt more relaxed and happier than I had in a long time.
For the rest of the day I kept following what my body told me to do. It was a wonderful experience. I was at ease with myself and the world. Whenever feelings of guilt came up: “Shouldn’t I be doing more? What about my work?” I just acknowledged - and ignored them. This day was for me.
Interesting enough, while I was taking time out, my work seemed to happen all by itself: I got unexpected requests for coaching and an invitation for lunch with one of my favorite clients. I guess sometimes life works better when you just relax and let go.
If you had the whole day to yourself and you could spend it any way you wanted to, what would you do?
Namaste
Karin
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